Together we will beat cancer


So so scared

26 Aug 2017 18:50

My wonderful husband of 29 years was diagnosed with oesophageal cancer yesterday. He is 57 years old and went for checks because he was having trouble swallowing and losing weight rapidly.  We thought it was a severe case of acid reflux. It wasn't. We don't have children but are surrounded by wonderful family and friends.  I know its early days and we don't know what the future holds but I keep imaging the worst possible scenarios and having panic attacks.  I haven't slept for the last few nights as it slowly dawned on my this might be cancer. He is being bloody marvellous - its me who's falling to pieces. Please tell me this is normal and it will calm down. Thanks 

Ps. we think we caught it early, we think it's very localised and we know it hasn't spread to other organs yet (he had a CT scan).

Re: So so scared

26 Aug 2017 21:38 in response to SusanRuth

Hi I think your feelings are absolute normal at the moment not knowing what the future holds(we never know anyway), but I felt better able to cope once all the treatment plan was put in place and started,try to be strong,there is light at the end of the tunnel but you just can,t see it at the moment,my many wishes and thoughts go out to you and hubby x

Re: So so scared

27 Aug 2017 14:36 in response to jipster

 Thank you, I'm sure you're right -  it is the not knowing what the future holds that makes everything so scary.  But as soon as we know what the treatment plan is we will definitely feel better. I just need to keep strong for my man. 

I hope you are doing okay. I don't know your situation but I'm guessing either you or a loved one is suffering from this god awful disease so my thoughts and very best wishes go out to you xx

Re: So so scared

27 Aug 2017 16:56 in response to SusanRuth

I'll disagree.

Don't try to be strong - just be. And that is enough.

Each circumstance is different and however you act or react is completely normal.

My wife and I are convinced we should be out and about doing stuff without ever having a clue about what we'd actually like to do. Turns out that for me, it's the odd few minutes here and there, of not very much, that makes me happy or content with the world.

Lots of talking and very little doing.

Ent ded though, which is nice.




Re: So so scared

19 Sep 2017 06:21 in response to SusanRuth

Hi and a belated welcome to the forum.

How are you finding things now that you've both had time to take in your husband's diagnosis? The difference in reaction to the news seems very similar to that of me and my wife. I think that sometimes it can be harder for our loved ones as they feel so unable to help, however much they want to.

I hope all goes well for you with the treatment plan.

Best wishes


Re: So so scared

19 Sep 2017 10:26 in response to davek

Hello Dave

thanks for getting in touch.

Things are settling down now, and we're getting a handle on life again.  Steve's cancer is very localised and the tumour is approx 1cm, so we're in as fortunate a position as possible.  We have an amazing team at the hospital and Steve has been accepted onto a trial called Neo Aegis, so all in all feeling much more positive.

I just need to get my head around the fact that I can't organise the sh*t out of the situation - which is my usual way of dealing with stuff - and that I may have to take some time away from work to support my lovely hubby.  In nearly 40 years at work I've never had more than the odd day off work, so it all feels bit alien.

I hope you and your lovely family are all doing okay.

Take care

Ruth x

Re: So so scared

21 Sep 2017 07:42 in response to SusanRuth

Hi Ruth,

That all sounds encouraging.

The necessary shift in attitude is always a bit difficult. I was still working whilst on chemo for several weeks before it really sank in that it would be better all round if I took some time out. I even recruited my own temporary replacement before I went off sick lol 

We're all OK thanks - my cancer is still dormant thank goodness.

Best wishes


Re: So so scared

21 Sep 2017 09:53 in response to davek

And long may it continue to remain dormant.  I love reading success stories!

We find out tomorrow which arm of the trial Steve will be on - there is a big difference in terms of treatment and time: short and really really aggressive treatment vs more long term and "only" really aggressive.  Will keep you posted as we go through the next few weeks. 

Take care Dave, love to you all.

Ruth x

Re: So so scared

22 Sep 2017 10:46 in response to SusanRuth

Hi SusanRuth

I can completly understand where you are coming from . My partner has recently been diagnosed with Liver cancer and we have been to Addenbrookes in Cambridge for intensive tests so that he can be considered for a transplant . Unfortunately they picked up on a hoarse voice and was concerned that something may be going on in his throat .

He has now has camera down his throat which found something " concerning" so then had an urgent CT and MRI we are waiting for the results of these scans .

Like you my partner is coping a lot better than me . I am an emotional wreck !!!


Re: So so scared

22 Sep 2017 17:18 in response to LunaC

 Goodness me, it is such a rollercoaster isn't it? 

At the moment, your brain is trying to process an overload of information, Sensory overload I think it's called!. hopefully in the next few days  things will seem a little calmer for you  and your lovely man. 

 Please stay in touch, I have sent you a friend request, I would love to be there for you as and when you need me. 

Ruth x

Re: So so scared

30 Sep 2017 19:27 in response to SusanRuth

I am just so tired today and it just took all the effort I had to have a shower. I am trying to stay strong but the tears seem to come regardless. I have two back to back scans next Friday and will be spending the whole day in the hospital. I have to have dye injected in and then wait three hours for the scan, Then I have the Cat Scan following this.