CLWN I am sorry to hear how you are feeling and that it is very quiet on these boards. Please know that I am thinking of you today as you said you had your CT scan. I hope that you find the courage to talk to your close family how you really feel as I am sure they want to support you in any way they can. Please take care xx

Clwn

My mum diagnosed Monday 17 dec with bile duct cancer and bone surgery not an option..she crying non stop has given up not sleeping eating worrying about her death saying that's it .....she has yet to see onogist chemo may be an option but she thinking she worse. I can't cope meant to be working can't function to go even keeping kids off school. We all in bits and what can you say....I pray you get good news from your scan. Cancer sucks.....

I’m so sorry. My dad has incurable cancer and in April was given a few weeks to live. He’s completely dependent but we didn’t give up on him and asked for treatment. We take him out and try our best to be happy in front him. My dad is a doctor and before all this happened he had 2 brain surgeries and one of them he didn’t even tell us about it because he didn’t want his family to be sad but we were even more devastated when we found out he went through the second surgery alone. We were mad, sad and scared. I wish he had told us. And then this last time when it came back again he still kept it a secret and we found out from one of his colleagues who’s his radiolost that he had fallen and wasn’t able to walk or talk. Yea it’s so scary and heartbreaking to hear the news but the shock of suddenly seeing things in a situation like this is even worse. If only my dad had been honest maybe we could of done something more. He always said he wants his wife and two girls to be happy and live life to the fullest. That if he got sick to go on but keeping secrets makes things so much worse. Because everything he didn’t want like our lives to be on hold everything he feared would happen actually happened. When I saw my dad sick I left my husband my job my home everything to come be with him. It’s been a year now. I’m with him 24 hours a day. I wouldn’t have it any other way because he’s my dad. Just as much as he loves me and sacrifices for me I do the same. When people say parents love for their children is more than a child love for the parents is wrong. I would give my life for my dad. I will cafe for him for as long as he breaths. I I’m still not planning on going back home and working. I won’t keave my dad. But only if only he had been honest and didn’t keep things from us things might have been a little different? Maybe at least mentally we could be somewhat prepared for it? Idk but as a child of someone who’s sick I would like for them to be as honest as possible. Talk to them about your feelings. About everything. It’s so much worse when you keep it inside. Because not only it hurts you but it hurts them.   Please keep us posted on your results. I wish you the best and giving you hugs 

Dearest CLWN, I have just read your message and I am so sorry to hear that the cancer appears to have resurfaced. My father has battled cancer for the majority of his life - back in 1995 he was told he was unoperable as the cancer had surrounded his heart however a surgeon called Mr Christmas chose to operate on him and essentially saved my dads life. Sadly after years of cancer free year years the cancer returned in 2016 and in the last weeks of this year (2018) he was told he was not strong enough (bone marrow) for chemo and no further treatment. As a daughter to my dad I wanted to say to you that your children will never ever forget who you are - they will have bucket loads of memories of you and as my dad says ''he's not out yet'' so there will be more to be made. It is a very upsetting time and ofcourse you will feel scared and upset but that is natural. I was sat with my dad when we were told they would stop treatment and to be honest I am finding it difficult to not think about anything else but I also at the same time want him to also remeber good memories whilst he is still here. It is also worth saying that people will never know what will happen.. my dad was saying that he's been battling with cancer for years and is still here yet a healthy chap recently that he knew died suddenly (whilst decorating!) - you just never know! We are also huge 'The Last Kingdom' tv series on netflix fans.. and keep quoting ''destiny is all''.. try not to let the worry eat you up - you are strong and never worry about sharing your grief / upset with those closest as together you can face it as a team and not just on your own.