Hi Laura so sorry to hear about your mum, I lost my mum just over a month ago and it still doesn't feel real. It's so tough with Mother's Day coming up though and feels so unfair as everyone else seems to have their mum. I find it really overwhelming to think how I'm going to cope in the future and I don't know if this is going to be helpful to you but try to cope in 5 minute segments rather than thinking of big chunks of time in the future xx

Dear laura

I lost my dear father last September and like your dear mum, my dad went downhill so quickly within 24-48 hours and I spent the next few weeks in so much pain from how much it hurt losing dad, that I just concentrated on getting up and getting through each day and not thinking ahead because it hurt so much.

i am 6 months without dad and it still hurts but not as painful as in September. 

One day day at a time it is the only way forward.

Hi there

thank you for writing back. I wasn't sure anybody would. I'm hoping the bad days get better. Today is mostly thinking about what happens when we die. We all have different beliefs. Last night was a bad night it comes in waves. And so many questions should I have stayed longer and seen the signs? Could I have done more? But I will never get the answers. I'm not looking forward to tomorrow not one bit even tho I'm a mum myself it won't be the same. Yesterday I should have been ordering her mothers dayflowers instead I was ordering funeral flowers and attempting to order my wedding flowers as I get married 3 weeks today. Another happy/sad time as she was so looking forward to it. We had offered to bring it forward but she refused. Personally I think she knew she wouldn't be here. I just wish this knotting in my stomach would stop I know the worst is yet to come xx

I completely understand, I had a bad night last night too, once I start crying I can't usually stop. I do believe that there is something after this life and that I will see mum again and also feel that she is here watching me-I've had little signs where I think that has got to mean something! The questions you ask yourself will keep coming, I had a chat with our family doctor about mum and he put some of my questions to rest but I still keep asking the same questions (even though I already know some of the answers). I know it's easier said than done but try not to beat yourself up, my mum had an extremely short time from diagnosis to passing (3 weeks to be exact) and I barely left her side during that time but if your mum had a longer period of time it is completely understandable that you would have to leave her side at some point especially as a mum yourself, she would 100% understand, I am sure! Re the "end" I don't think anyone really knows what to expect or the signs to look out for it's not really something you can ever prepare yourself for. What you said about the flowers made me well up because it's true and with your wedding too, just know your mum will be at your wedding you won't see her but she will be there. The knots in the stomach are still there for me, it's a horrible feeling, many people say that with time things become a little less raw but I'm not there yet and probably won't be for quite a few years like I said I'm coping in 5 minute segments. What Cancer did your mum have? Even just saying that word still can't believe it xx

Mum was diagnosed last January (I was 8 months pregnant with my youngest daughter) with stage 4 colon cancer that has spread through the wall to the fatty tissues and nodules on her liver she had her first round of chemo almost straight away and she still felt pretty good they also fitted a stoma which she really struggled my was a very proud lady and always had her hair and make up done. The first lot didn't do too much so she decided to do another round with different drugs but couldn't have her last one as she was constantly being sick and had lots of numbness in her mouth so they decided to stop in case it was permanent damage. She had her scan 25th Dec and was told on the 30th that the nodules had gone and the main Tumor had thinned and shrank but because she was now being sick all the time she was too weak for more treatment. My dad and myself were seriously concerned in January about the fact she wasn't keeping food or water down so convinced the gp (who was useless) to place in st Richards hospice for more specialist care as she was suffering and in so much pain. They took her in on my birthday 17th Jan and scanned her straight away where they broke the news only to my dad that the cancer was very aggressive and had spread basically everywhere but the reason she was sick was because it was all in her stomach. So for the last 3 months we have watched her body starving her although the consultant at the end could not believe how little pain meds she had and said she was stubborn and strong willed. The hospice arranged a wedding blessing for me and my partner and my mum and Dad renewed there vows. It just came so quick after all these months of being told it would be weeks she defied the odds. I should have seen the signs that they had stopped her fluids because she was swelling from the waste down. But she was talking to me fine the Sunday before tired but ok then by Monday evening she was unconscious I should have saw it then that's how my grandad was at the end but the consultant said her pulse was still strong but then I got that dreaded phone call at 3 in the morning to say she had gone. Mum was an hour away from where I live and it was the longest drive of my life. After seeing her the Monday I did say to my brother it would be a couple of days I just don't think anyone expected it to come that quick it's a horrible disease but I know we have had it easy there people who don't get chance to say goodbye to loved ones because they are taken in accidents or killed. But it still doesn't make the hurt anymore easier. I hope you managed to get through yesterday the best you could. Sending you hugs xx

Hi I lost my mum 6 weeks ago it came as such a shock she fought it and beat it 3 years ago it came back again in December 2016 she was only in hospital  4 weeks then moved to a hospice in the final 2 weeks she hid the pain she  was in from us we thought she was doing okay me n my daughter went up to see her on the Saturday sitting up in bed chatting away as normal to us I made her a cup of tea then on the Sunday she just slept most of the time then I got that dreaded call on the Monday morning to say she had deteriated  by time we got up there she had passed away her birthday was 5 days after she died then mothers day I feel like I'm in a bubble I panick about 100 times a day when I realise I won't see her again the tears don't stop feel so alone I wake up every morning n wish it was just a bad dream xx

Hi Laura, I lost my mum to a brain tumour a year ago this month. It was a shock as she was very fit and healthy before her diagnosi, and was a short fight against it.  I understand how you feel because even a year on I still feel lost and not sure how or if I will get over this.  I have better days but they mainly are bad days.  On top of losing my mum I lost my dad to cancer 6 years ago march to cancer again after a short fight. Not sure I ever truly grieved for my dad so is now like double the effect. Just take each day at a time and talk about your feelings as I never did until a little while ago and I feel not talking did not help. Sorry I seem to have gone on a bit.  Just do what is right for you.

Hi Lorna. I hope you are having a better day. I know how you feel. Life just feels so surreal and like a nightmare. The only thing that gives me some kind of peace is mum knew how much she was loved. I'm going through the ifs and buts stage. I just miss her so so much it hurts xx