Hi Daisy,

A very warm welome to our forum. 

I am sorry to hear of your sister's reaction to her diagnosis and of the loss of her child so recently. Can I ask what type of cancer she has, what stage it is at and when she was diagnosed? This can have a bearing on how people feel. Are you her only sibling, or does she have other family?

Sorry for all the questions, but hopefully with the answers to these, we may be able to help you.

Kind regards,

Jolamine xx

Hi Jolamine

my sister has stage 4 metastatic breast cancer spread to lungs, liver and possible other areas. Also has other health issues with strokes and heart. Diagnosed a few years now but notice a big change, cant eat much or swallow, all the cancer symptoms but what she says flip flops so we go with it for the most. Her other sister and brother see her and cant see her or talk to her for long as she gets extremely tired. Thats possibly the cancer and dealing with the death of her daughter (adult).

just have to take it day by day or at what she wants to tell us, one day she will say what the consuktant says and the next that its all good...

Hi Daisy,

Try to see this from your sister's perspective. It is so difficult to support her until you know what she is feeling and thinking. She is also possibly trying to protect her family, by not giving any of you much detail about her diagnosis. This may not be how you see it, but it may still be how she feels about it. She may also be scared stiff of what lies ahead.

I have been through secondary breast cancer with my own Mum. It had metastasised to her brain, bones, liver and lungs. That was 25 years ago and it was a hard journey. At that time they didn't offer any further treatment, unlike now. I have had 2 bouts of breast cancer myself since then and, there is just no comparison between the diagnosis, treatment and aftercare that we have both experienced. Where is your sister at present and has she been offered any further treatment?

She will get extremely tired and will eat and drink less as time goes on. Depression often goes hand in glove with a cancer diagnosis - I expect that this was already there, as a result of her daughter's death and has possibly got worse. Has she had a primary cancer before this and, if so for how long, or is this her first diagnosis? 

It must be difficult to arrange to see her, when you live far away. I found the same as my Mum was in another country and I was working, plus I had 2 young children and a husband who was also ill. I did get to see her every weekend and at any other time that I could and we kept in regular touch via the phone.

Instead of dwelling on her diagnosis, try to make memories with her. Is there anywhere that she would like to visit or anyone that she would like to see. Perhaps you and your other siblings could arrange this? The main thing is to keep an eye on her medication to ensure that it is controlling her pain, as this may get worse, as she nears the end.

You are right to take things day by day and not to push for all her medical details. I'm sure that she will probably relish your visits, especially if you try to talk about other things, or even just read to her.

Pleease keep in touch and remember, that we are always her for you.

Kind regards,

Jolamine xx