My mother has just been diagnosed with stage 4 bowel cancer and my world has been turned upside down. I feel utterly helpless and frustrated. My mother, however, is far more positive than I am. But she doesn't know how this has affected me as we have only talked about this over video chat. She doesn't know the first thing I did was check the survival rates (which probably wasnt the best idea) and then I broke down in to a blubbering mess contemplating a lfe without my mum in it.

I'm currently living abroad studying and I feel like I should be at home. I know me being there would make absolutely no difference but I feel like I should be doing something. My mother has told me she wants me to stay where I am and focus on bettering my life by completing this masters but I don't know if that's the right thing. I have no-one here in Germany that I am close enough to that I can offload on them. So i think ths may be the reason I want to go home. Will I regret not spending time with my mum if the worst happens and the statistics are right and she won't be here in 5 years?

She isn't alone at home as my dad and sisters are there (one sister still lives at home) so she's got people to talk to, worry with, or whatever it is she is doing. But I feel completely useless and I know that going home would annoy her as she really wants me to complete my Masters study. But I ca't focus on anything except this horrendous news.

Can anyone relate? does anyone live far away from affected relatives and if so can anyone relate to how I feel or have any advice?