Zoe, my sincere condolences to you and your family. There are no words of comfort that I can give you . It's all so raw for you at the moment. It's been 14 weeks since I lost my dad and all I can say is grief is different for everyone. Remember your mum for who she was and not what she looked like when she died. It such early days that you are still in shock and this process is a hard journey. Remember we are all on this forum because we all have something in common, there is support here and you are not alone. Take care x

Just wanted to say I'm thinking of you at this time Zoe .... take care of your heart ... Chrisie Xx

Zoe l am so so. sorry nothing l say will make you feel better. I to lost my mum about a month ago and it still feels like yesterday.. i had the same situation that l was not by her side when she died but my dad said it is better that way as it was not a nice thing to see.  She my my world and got lung cancer just over a year ago. She has not smoked for over 60 years.. she was 76 but you would have thought she was not a day over 60. She was so healthy and full of life and worked right up to she got cancer. They.told her they were going  for cure and gave her 4 weeks of chemo and radiotherapy together. Done a ct scan and said just scar tissue and sent her home..she was never right after that and for nearly a year was convinced she still had it and she had really bad anxiety and cried everyday. Her appetite got less so we took her to doctors and they found a big blood clot on her kneck. Straight into hospital where as far as we were aware they had caught it but they told us they were keeping her in as her calcium was to high. She never came home. 2 days later l asked to speak to a doctor to find out what was going on. He said the words but it did not register. Your mums only got a few weeks left.......what? How? Why did we not know this or why did they just realise. The cancer was never just scar tissue and had soread everywhere.

I got her moved to a proper pallative care hospice where we wached her fade away rapidly. Like 2 weeks and she could hardly breath and she was getting more forgetful and confused.she was not like my mum anymore. I am  the youngest of 3 and she always called me her baby she was my world. We got a call to say she had got worse so we all went down.

I lung had collapsed and the other was filling with fluid. She was drowning. Me and my husband were 1st there and it was like she had a stroke or something as she was in the fetal position and could not talk and it was like she did not know we were there. Her eyes were so weird like there was a film over them. If l am honest she looked almost dead.but 2 days went by so we were taking turns on going home gettig a rest and a shower. At night my dad sat in the chait next to her all night the 1st night the 2nd night we sat to about 10pm and again my dad said he would just sit with her. She was all swollen and struggling for breath.  They had her on oxygen but she died that night at 11.15pm. My dad said he is glad we never saw it as she started drowning in her own mucus and l think thry were trying to get tubes down to get fluid out but it was to late she was gone. 

I still am in disbeleif and angry that they never checked her enough after her treatment and she hersellf she was not right.. she kept saying l am scared l dont want to die l want to stay here with my family who she loved so much. I miss her so much. She waa the best mum l could have had. Both my parents were amazing but my mum was the heart of our family l feel as if someones ripped my heart out. I forget everyday for about a few seconds and go to ring her.. its so huge l can't compute life without her. So l understand totally what you are going through and am so sorry. I am here if ýou need a friend who feels the same.

Take Care

Laura xxx

Very sorry for your loss.

Hi Zoe, I'm so sorry for you to join this horrible club of losing a parent to C. I lost my beautiful mum and most important person in the world to me in Feb, she was only 56. Like you I feel robbed, we should have at least had a minimum of another 20 years if not more, I like to think the big man up there in the sky couldn't wait any longer for her as she's so amazing. I still feel utterly broken and always will do but our mums would want us to continue after all we are them, their blood! It's her blood that is still running through your veins , she will always be with you and (if you believe) you will see her again. If you ever want to talk I'm here my advice for you is don't be afraid to let it all out, scream, cry, shout do whatever you need to do. Stay strong x

Dear Zoe, Your precious Mum felt your love for 20 years and she fell asleep feeling your love. Your precious Mum would want you to not ever think that you felt otherwise ( you are telling her you love her daily and you always will and can tell her you love her even while she is now sleeping x It hurts so so much when we lose the people that we love and are a part of us. It takes time to feel any kind of normality for a while and, the deep pain you feel within you is the love you have for your Mum. it does lessen the deep pain in time. Your Mum would want you to be well and its so important you try to look after you at this time. I am so sorry to read of your major loss, but take comfort in that, people do care and wish you all the best God bless you xx