Hi Jen,

No wonder you’re feeling confused. Next time your mum has an appointment ask the consultant just exactly what your mum’s prognosis is.

It must be great to have the news that chemo might help, but if it were me, I would want to know for sure before I started celebrating.

It is perfectly natural to run the whole gamete of emotions with a cancer diagnosis, but it must be even more unsettling when you have been told of two very different outcomes.

I lost my mum to secondary cancer in 1997 and well remember how helpless I felt when she was in hospital and how absolutely devastated I felt after she had gone.

I am praying for both of you and hope that you manage to get more joined up thinking when you see her consultant again.

Kind regards,

Jolamine xx

Dear Jen06,

I am sorry to hear about your mum.

I think the best thing to do is to ask your mum if she wants to discuss this further with her breast cancer nurse or to speak again with the oncologist. You could speak with the nurse or doctor too,  providing you have your mum’s permission.

I realise that getting different information or the use of different words or phrases can be confusing. 

I hope you and your mum know more soon.  You would be welcome to call the nurse information team on the Freephone number 0808 800 4040. The service is open 9-5pm from Monday to Friday between the hours of 9am to 5pm.

Take care

Caroline.

Hi jolamine,

Thank you for replying months ago.

Unfortunately my mum started chemotherapy but has become too weak to continue treatment.  She has also become very paranoid and confused, saying horrible things to us that she wouldn't normally say. I know it's the chemo/cancer talking but I feel I have lost mum already. I feel the happy memories that we made are being overidden by these horrible ones.  I cry every day and my heart feels like it's being ripped out.  I can't imagine myself being without her and I'm scared.  For being told she could have years to seeing her now, it's such a rollercoaster.  Thank you for listening and I'm so sorry you lost your mum to this awful disease.  I just don't want to be with out her. Life is never going to be the same again.  How do you cope?

Hi Jen,

I'm glad to hear from you again, although sorry to hear about the hard time you've been having. What medication is your Mum taking - is she taking Morphine of any type? I have been on Morphine myself and can vouch for the way it affects people. Being paranoid, confused, sick and nasty are all part and parcel. Try to remind yourself that this is not your Mum. This is what medication is doing to her. The change is not of her making.

Don't worry about crying. It is better to be able to cry as opposed to not being able to. Tears are a great way of reducing stress, so let them flow. I felt exactly the same as you when my Mum was at the same stage. Instead of looking to the future and life without her, try to take life day-by-day. Just deal with the immediate situations as they occur and you will find it easier to cope.

Your good memories will come back and the bad ones will gradually fade. You will cope with the eventual loss.The way you are dealing with her illness is commendable. Once she leaves you, you will find other coping strategies. Again, the best thing is to take things day-by-day. It is twenty years since I lost my Mum, I still miss her every day, but I feel that she is still by my side.

Stay strong. I am thinking of and praying for you both.

Kind regards,

Jolamine xx