Hi Liam

Its hardest thing ever to find out someone you love has cancer. Its as hard on you as it is on your mum. you are right that you have to be strong for her and give her practical support also the occasional hug doesnt go amiss. I obviously dont know your mums prognosis, but spend plenty time with her, while keeping you job going. There are help groups and also one to one sessions at your local cancer lodge ask your hospital for details. I know it probably sounds crap but they can help you get your head round whats happening and answer the difficult questions you need to ask. This in turn can help you help your mun better.

Hi Liam, sorry to hear about your mum. I just found out my mum has cancer a couple of weeks ago too and apparently it's pretty progressive.

I just really wanted to let you know that you're not alone regardless of how alone you may feel right now and i (along with many other people on this cra*py journey) know exactly how you are feeling. it's scary huh?

Most of the guidance i have received so far about coping have suggested that it really just takes time, first of all, to allow yourself to go through all the natural emotions (disbelief, anger, sadness, lost, helpless, hopless, sad some more, angry some more etc.)

Talking to people close to you about how you're feeling has been suggested a lot as well as talking to your mum.

Reaching out to support groups such as this amazing chat forum i just found tonight as i worked up the courage to start accepting my situation is real, and most importantly, trying to keep life as normal as you can and still allow yourself some relax and fun time because if you dont look after yourself, it will be harder to be in the right state of mind to give your mum the support she needs.

I am very, very new to this myself and i'm just sharing what i have read or been told so far that i plan to try myself as i am also struggling to digest what is going on.

We will find the strength to be there for our mums, there is no other choice but to get them through this in the least stressful, most comforting way we possibly can.

Give her lots of hugs and kisses and tell her every day how much you love her.

Good luck and take care

Hi Liam

Just wanted to add a welcome to the forum which has been a very supportive place for me. My kids were older when my husband was diagnosed  but I am not sure age makes any difference to the how we feel when we are told about a cancer diagnosis.  Fear of the unknown, frustration at our lack of control over the situation, anger, sadness; the list is pretty endless.  If I had to offer advice it would be to try and stay calm (believe me its not too easy) for your Mum will not only be worrying about herself but also about you and the rest of the family and friends.  Do not google anything other than respected sites (like this one or MacMillan) as there are too many differing stories which will not be relevant to  your Mum's situation.  As you think of questions, write them down and above all take time out to be you.  My husband spent much of his time thinking rather than talking about his illness so if you can talk with your Mum openly it will really help both of you.

Its good that your Mum has a treatment plan in place and chemo can (but not always) cause side effects which your Mum's consultant/medical team will have gone through with her but most of these can be dealt with (other medication) if her nurses/docs are told about them (in my husband's case he even had some medication to counteract the effects at the same time as treatment). and hopefully the way to look at it, is that it will be trying to improve Mum's condition.

If you need more personal answers then you can phone the Nurses on this site Mon to Fri 9-5 (though possibly Tuesday this week due to Bank Holiday) and its free from landlines and most mobiles.Regards Jules54

Hi Liam, 

I am so sorry to hear this.

I am new to the forum too having found out a few days ago my beautiful mum has lung cancer which has possibly spread. We are waiting for more details e.g. is it treatable etc, how bad is it etc etc

I too am scared about the future, my mum truly is my everything. I am older then you, but I still live with my parents so I see my mum everyday, she'd still cook my meals, do my washing, worry about me etc... I am a mummy's girl. 

I just want to let you know that you are not alone. You are a true credit to your mum, you are a very loving and caring guy, she must be so proud. 

The only advice I can give you for now is to just be there for her. Listen to her wishes, have patience with her and don't get annoyed at her if she does something she can't help. For example my mum has very little appetite, i've got frustrated with her when she doesn't manage a few extra mouthfuls of food. It's not because she doesn't want to, it's because she literally can not do it.   

Also, don't be afraid to let her know that you love her and you want to be there for her.

I am more the happy to chat whenever you need to.