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Scared of losing mum

Sophie_56
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Hi everyone 

I’m 25 and two years ago my mum was diagnosed with stage 4 breast cancer- at that time it had only spread to her bones and while the news was very difficult to come to terms with, physically she was ok. She coped with chemo relatively well and had great results- the tumour in her breast had disappeared and her bones were stable. 

Sadly a few months after finishing chemo she started to get forgetful and dizzy. At the time we tried to convince ourselves it was side effects from the tamoxifen but an mri showed that she had a 5cm brain tumour plus 3 smaller legions in the lining of her brain. 

 

Shes had full brain radiation and is due to start chemotherapy again but chemo had to be delayed due to a water infection and last night she was overcome with pain in her head. She’s so dizzy and forgetful it’s truely one of the hardest things I’ll ever watch. 

 

Im terrified of watching her get worse and I often get anxiety attacks when I can’t get hold of her or my step dad, this morning in particular has been very hard as I can’t get hold of them and after last nights pain I’m so scared something has happened in the night and I was that upset last night I didn’t even say goodbye properly I just wanted to leave. I feel so guilty about that now because what if something has happened and I didn’t make the most of that time I had with her. 

 

I hate this so much. Anyway just thought I’d share in the hopes someone else out there is going through the same things 

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    Hi Sophie,

    A very warm welcome to Cancer Chat. Sadly, there are many people in the same position as you are. We tend to take life for granted until something like this hits and it is only then that we appreciate just how precious life really is.

    I cared for my mum when she was in the terminal stages of breast cancer. In the latter stages, it had spread to her brain, bones, liver and lungs and it was really heart-breaking to watch her health deteriorate so quickly at the end. Admittedly, I was older than you are at the time and had experienced death with other family members. I hope that you have not  had much experience of this at only 29? Having experience of death doesn’t make it any easier to bear, especially when it is your mum – the one person who has loved and cared for you all your life.

    Unfortunately, there is nothing that you can do to halt this process. You are bound to get anxious when you cannot get hold of her and your step-father. How is he coping with this? This is where you need to pull together to make her life as comfortable as possible. You need to be the tower of strength instead of her.  She will feel reassured by just having you by her side. Is she aware of how forgetful she’s become? If so she may be feeling quite frightened by this and your reassurance may be something she needs.

    If you look on your experience last night as a learning curve, you won’t leave her without saying goodbye again. We all learn by our mistakes. I am sure that if anything was amiss your step-father would phone you to say so. I hope that you can contact them soon to set your mind to rest.

    Please keep in touch and let us know how you are coping. There are several others in the same position as yourself, so hopefully some of them will come along to talk to you soon. We are always here for you whenever you want to talk.

    Kind regards,

    Jolamine xx

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