Hi Mal,

I see that this is your first post on the forum, so a very warm welcome to Cancer Chat.

Let me reassure you that you are not reacting in any way abnormally. Your emotions are a perfectly normal reaction to a possible cancer diagnosis. You are just as well to give up consulting Dr Google, as you need to stick to bone fide sites only. Many sites are poorly researched and, as a result can give information that is poorly researched and incorrect. The possibility of a cancer diagnosis is bad enough without scaring yourself unnecessarily. Even the well-respected sites can be quite frightening, because, for some strange reason, we all seem to attribute the worst case scenarios to ourselves, but fortunately, this seldom turns out to be the case.

My mother had breast cancer, had a single mastectomy, survived for 12 years and it was only in her final year that she was told that it had metastasised in her brain, bones, liver and lungs. It was both harrowing and heart-breaking watching her deteriorate so quickly at the end.  She died 20 years ago. I have had 2 bouts of breast cancer. My first was 7 years ago and the second was 6. The first time I had a lumpectomy followed by Tamoxifen. The second I had a double mastectomy, followed by Letrozole.

When my mum was diagnosed, cancer was a death sentence, but fortunately that is no longer the case. I cannot get away with the difference in the treatment my mum had and that which I have received. Many people now live with cancer, rather than dying from it. There are different types and grades of breast cancer and, the outlook for some is better that others. I was amazed by just how angry I felt when I was first diagnosed, my emotions were all over the place. I would snap at family members for no particular reason and, I cried almost constantly. If you are at all tearful, let the tears flow, as this is a good stress reliever. Your other emotions will pick up once you have a positive diagnosis and know exactly what you are dealing with.

At present you are in a state of ‘what if’ and everything is new and unknown. Once you get your results, you can start to look to treatment and surgery and, you will feel more positive about things as you begin to fight the disease.

It is always a difficult conversation to have with your children, but my advice would be to tell them as soon as you know yourself. Children have big ears and, you don’t want them overhearing something that they shouldn’t before you have told them yourself. At 11 and 8 they are old enough to understand what you tell them. You don’t have to give them chapter and verse, just a simple explanation at this stage is plenty. There is an area on the Cancer Research Website, about breaking the news to children, which you might find helpful. Many of the cancer charities also offer counselling for you and your family, if you feel that this might help and, this is usually free of charge.

Have you tried searching this site? If you use the search engine on the blue banner at the top of this page, it will bring you to others who have had the unenviable task of telling their children and how they coped. Once you know if you definitely have cancer on Monday, you might also like to look up previous posts about that and hear from others with first-hand experience themselves.

Waiting on the results of tests is one of the scariest times of our cancer journeys. Try to keep yourself busy over the weekend to distract you from Monday’s meeting. Do you take anyone with you to your appointments? It is always a good idea to take someone with you if you can. It is also a good idea to draw up a list of questions before each appointment. Take this with you to your consultation and make sure that you ask all of the questions on your list. Your questions will vary from one visit to the next, as you get to know more about your cancer and the treatment you are having.

I am glad to hear that you have a supportive husband. It is so much easier for both of you to deal with this, when you can discuss your worries and fears openly between you. Do you have any other family or friends who might be able to support you if your worst fears come to pass and your tests are positive? It is always good to have someone that you can confide in, as it does more harm than good when people try to bottle everything up.

When you return on Monday your consultant will have already discussed your case at his/her multidisciplinary team (MDT) meeting and, between them all, they should have decided on the best way forward for you.

I sincerely hope that the news is not as bad as you are expecting on Monday.

Please keep in touch and let us know how you get on. We are always here for you whenever you want to talk.

Kind regards,

Jolamine xx