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Sadness - lost mum to secondary breast cancer 7 months ago

12 Oct 2020 22:22

I lost my mum to secondary breast cancer this year.

It's been nearly 7 months. 

My world is completely destroyed. I can't actually cope! I cry all the time, my mood swings are awful. 

I'm hiding away because I don't want people to see me broken.

I miss her so much. My mum is everywhere I go, she's in everything I do and always on my mind.

I don't know what to do or how to feel anything other than emptiness.

It's actually physically painful.....I can't go on like this

 

Sadness - lost mum to secondary breast cancer 7 months ago

13 Oct 2020 13:19 in response to Boo20

Hello Boo20,

I read your post yesterday and couldn't find the words. I'm so very sorry for your loss. Losing your mum is so hard and 7 months is no time at all. 

I lost my beautiful mum 2 years ago to blood cancer- 26 September 2018 therefore I am further along this journey but I understand some of how you're feeling and I wanted to let you know that somehow you will find the strengh to go on.

Your're right, it is physical pain, you can almost feel your heart breaking and for me, panic attacks also. Strange thing to say but don't fight it, you have to grieve and there is no time frame. The crying is hard I know and you can't stop the tears, doesn't matter where you are or who you're with.

You mentioned mood swings, I was so angry at everybody and everything.

The only advice I can give is to take each day at a time, sometimes it's even just a minute at a time. I hope you have family close by who you can talk to, I am the worst person to take my own advice but don't hide away, I don't think your mum would want that.

I think about how our mum's loved us unconditionally and how it would break their hearts to see us so sad. 

Our mum's gave us the gift of life and hard as it us and it does break you I know, we have to go on and hopefully make our mum's proud....I believe my mum's around, looking down, making sure I'm ok and I talk to her photo every day to let her know how I'm doing, crazy as that sounds.

You said your mum is in everything you do, that's good, hold onto that.

I'm not sure how old you are, whether the 20 in your name refers to your age, I'm 57 but feel like a little girl lost, any age to lose a parent, it is a great loss.

I promise you the raw pain you're feeling now will get easier in time, you'll never stop missing your mum, that's true but you can go on, I always go back to this verse-

 

The river of grief is deep and wide

But happiness awaits you on the other side

And the love of those around you, will take you there

 

Take care Boo20 and come back on this forum whenever you need to, I do and people have helped me.

Linda

x

 

 

Sadness - lost mum to secondary breast cancer 7 months ago

13 Oct 2020 18:52 in response to Boo20

Hi boo20 just read your post, and thought I would reply to offer you some support,  I know that there aren't enough  words to describe the situation in  which we find ourselves, but dont  bottle it  all up for too long , 7 months is no time at all.take care of yourself, your mum would  want that I'm sure,a good cry is only a natural thing, it just goes to show how much of a caring person  you are.Again look after yourself, Gtp

Sadness - lost mum to secondary breast cancer 7 months ago

15 Oct 2020 15:35 in response to Boo20

Hi Boo,

I'm so sorry to hear about your loss.

I can totally understand where you're coming from although everyone experiences grief differently. 
I lost my Mum to lung cancer in June, she was only diagnosed with cancer in April. It was sudden and a shock but I was fortunate enough to be able to care for her at home and take time off work. I've never experienced pain like it, my Mum was my best friend, the first person I'd ask for advice or ring up - even to chat about nothing in particular. I know our experiences are different, but if you ever need or want a chat I can be free to support you, it's getting a little easier for me but it still hurts and I'm still grieving but chatting with someone who has experienced similar feelings is always helpful XxX
 

Sadness - lost mum to secondary breast cancer 7 months ago

17 Oct 2020 20:32 in response to Boo20

Hi Boo20

 

I lost my Mum to secondary cancer just this Tuesday.

I read your words and I feel the same.

I don't know what to do without her here and I wonder if I did everything right for her as I recently became her live in carer for her to stay at home. If I could have done better for her. I like awake each night rethinking and reliving the last few weeks.

 

But she would want you to go on, just like I know my Mum would, even if we don't  feel like it right now X

Sadness - lost mum to secondary breast cancer 7 months ago

18 Oct 2020 00:12 in response to Andrea3

I am truly so sorry for your loss x

It's a pain no words can heal.

Just devastating xx

Sadness - lost mum to secondary breast cancer 7 months ago

18 Oct 2020 00:15 in response to glitterbug62

Thank you for you kind words x

 

I'm so sorry for you loss, even as I write that I know that those words are not enough! 

 

Xxx

Sadness - lost mum to secondary breast cancer 7 months ago

18 Oct 2020 00:18 in response to Linda63

Thank you for replying.

 

Lovely words and the poem is beautiful x

 

I have sent you a friend request xxx

Sadness - lost mum to secondary breast cancer 7 months ago

18 Oct 2020 00:21 in response to Gtp

Thank you for replying. 

I have wanted to post on here so many times. It took me a few glasses of gin to finally submit it. 

This is a wonderful platform and I thank you for your kind words xxx

Sadness - lost mum to secondary breast cancer 7 months ago

18 Oct 2020 13:16 in response to Andrea3

Hi Andrea,

 

I can't begin to understand how you must be feeling. 
I understand that feeling of if you did enough and I'm sure you absolutely did and more. What's more, I'm sure your Mum was really grateful for your care and I bet she was proud of you too!

Don't beat yourself up, I did the same at first but then I realised that I tried my best for my Mum and I know it meant the world to her. I'm so grateful I got to spend her last few weeks with her, not everyone gets that time. Try and stay strong and look for the positives cause they are there. Stay in touch on here and keep talking, crying, looking at photos, listening to music- anything that helps you process it all.

I'm not there yet, I miss her terribly still, however it is getting a little easier now.

 

Take care

 

GB

Sadness - lost mum to secondary breast cancer 7 months ago

19 Oct 2020 14:47 in response to Boo20

I'm  not that good with this tech / internet  stuff so its6 taken me quite a few days to realise  you had sent a reply  thanking me for , I hope you are getting  on a bit better,as difficult  as it is with this virus  and all, good luck to you and keep chatting it sort of seems to help,Gtp.

Sadness - lost mum to secondary breast cancer 7 months ago

20 Oct 2020 06:57 in response to Boo20

I'm so sorry for your loss. I lost my Mam at the end of August, also by stage 4 secondary breast cancer, so I can understand some of how you must be feeling.

I came to this forum as a way of coping and it has helped to some degree.

I know there will be days where you want to be alone but do try and reach out to people that are close to you.

Talk about your lovely mum and remember the times that you shared together.

My Dad and I talk often about my Mam and we have a smile and a laugh (and that's okay). She would want you to remember her, not with sadness. 

I'm honest with people when they ask now. Initially I was answering that dreaded question of "how are you?" with "yeah, I'm fine", not to make them feel uncomfortable. Of course you're not 'fine' and you're not going to be! So, I answer honestly, I feel numb and a bit lost. When I'm having a sad day and it's overwhelming me, which it does on occassion, I let people know. Your friends and family are there for you, use them as a support. 

I don't think that feeling of emptiness will ever go away sadly. My Mam was such a big presence in my life and that can never be filled, same for you. But it's important to remember that she will always be with you, in everything that you do.

I hope this goes some way to help you. The important thing is, take time for yourself! There's no time stamp on grief!

And talk! Tell people about your lovely mum and remember her.