Hello Joolsmac I am so sorry for the loss of you husband ,only 3 weeks ago its very early days on the journey of grief for you I am glad you have the support of family and  friends and know itshard not having hubby around too.. I found this forum helped me so much its so much easier talking to strangers and I always find support here  I lost my darling  husband Tony last year in Feb we had been married for 40 years he was my world I miss him so much, I still have tears regularly ,but the initial pain is slowly going and memories will always be with me ,and im sure you have some beautiful memories ..We have had our husbands with us for so many years its and its so lonely without them ,even if you have a house full of people ...Take care and im sorry you are hurting right now ,come and chat whenever you feel the need ....Susananne x

Thank you Susananne,,

Today has been awful. I haven't stopped crying even though I am trying to lose myself in jobs. In the end I decided just to give in to the grief. It is good to know that there are others like me and I thank you for taking the trouble to reply to my post. Who would ever have thought this was going to hurt so much. Jools.xx

Hello Joolsmac,

I am so sorry for your loss and although I cannot begin to understand the grief you are feeling at losing your soulmate, I do understand some of the rollercoaster of grief itself.  I lost my both my parents to cancer last year within 5 months and although it is a different kind of grief, the emotions have been enormous.  I never really understood the pain of loss before, but it really is like somebody is stabbing you in the heart isn't it?  I'm afraid I don't really believe in the after life myself and haven't really felt the comfort of presence very much, so it is virtually just trying to come to an acceptance of all that has happened, and for all of us on here I guess that is hard.  I wish there was something I could say that could ease your pain, but I am not naive enough to think that I could; I hope that this site is something that can help you, as in my personal experience it has helped me through some of my darkest days. Take care and wishing you strength, be kind to yourself and take each day at a time.   Hope x

Thank you, Hope. I'm hoping this site will help. That was a huge blow to lose both your parents. My heart goes out to you, it's good to know that the site has been comforting. Any hands reaching will be welcome for us all. My best wishes to you and thanks for your thoughtful words. Xx

I just wanted to say hello & that you're not alone.  I have just very recently lost my dad (Aug 6th) my mum her husband of 50 years, it was their golden anniversay at the end of June. My mums situation is very very similar to yours Joolsmac, she is now on her own for the first time in a very long time & has lovely friends and of course family but like you she now feels very alone.  You say you feel you have really lost him, please don't feel like that, you had 30 wonderful, happy yeas together and no one can ever take that away, you have 30 years worth of memories that are precious.  When I walk in my mums house now, it does feel strange, odd, just not right, infact the first few times after we lost dad, I was thinking where is he? Why isn't he sat in his chair, ridiculous but just how my brain was working at the time I guess, I just could not compute that he was gone & even now 5 weeks on I still can't believe he's gone but I know that what we shared together as father & daughter & what my dad & mum shared as husband & wife no one can take away. You, like my mum shared too much & loved your husband so much that he will never be lost to you, he will always be part of you & although you say you cant find him or feel him anymore, he will be with you always. Much love xx

Hi Joolsmac.  I lost my beloved wife last August and like you kept looking for a sign that they were still with you. To not see her is so hard for me as I loved her so much. I think about her every day, all day. Then on top of that I lost my daughter not by cancer but a brain bleed, made life so much harder. I thank family and all my friends who continually try and help. Keep your chin up and remember all the great times together. And we will see them again when it's our time. Take care. x

hello Susanne.... I lost my husband last month to bowel and liver cancer. He fought long and hard for nearly 6 years undergoing 5 operations and years of chemo. His lasy 10 days in hospital were terrible so I wouldnt want his suffering to continue but I am so lost and alone. Our children live a long way away and already my friends are dropping me one by one. I have such bad days I feel I dont wont to get out of bed. I am going to force myself and see if I can join a club or something so I might meet people to combat my saddness

Hello. I lost my wife to stage 4 bowel cancer and know how you feel. In the end she developed what might be known as chemo brain and that took its toll on both of us as she got so stressed, she didn't know who I was. That was so hard. Bit by bit it got worse and she collapsed at home..passing away on way to hospital. I miss her terribly and all her friends that were there for her and rallied round us both. I leaned on my step daughter and she was a blessing but sadly she passed away at 32 years old. If you need a friend then I'm here to listen. Take care.

Hello Jim1021952..  I rather think my darling husband also had chemo brain as you discribed. although this has never been spoken about within the hospital. he had a series of seizures but his CT and MRI scans showed no signs of cancer to the brain. His final 10 days he had a sucsession of seizures that robbed him of his speech and he too didnt seem to know me. Having said that before they put him in an induced coma he did keep taking his breathing mask off to kiss me. I note the date on your post read Aug 2011 so I wonder how your are getting along and coping with your sad loss. Fot me, it is early days. I have very dark days Jim. I miss him so much. Hope by now you have paved a way forward as she would have wanted you to do. Take care