Really good description of our Grief

Just read this article "We don't 'lose' our Mothers - the reality is more violent than that." printed on The Guardian website. There was a couple of statements near the end of the article that just matched how I feel; "There's nothing good that comes out of the death of someone you love, but I have learned this: the magnitude and bottomlessness of the pain you feel is a testament to the love you shared. And while I don't ever expect to arrive at a point in life where I'm alright with the fact my Mother has gone, I know that I am so, so lucky to have loved and been loved that much by someone."

Thinking of all of us missing someone we loved.

 

  • Hi Chrissy, that article just about sums it up doesn't it?  I remember a few years after my mum died, a journalist wrote about the death of his mother, and his words were: "My Mother died yesterday........never again will I experience such unconditional love".   When you think about it Chrissy, our mothers stand by us even if the rest of the world is against us.  Lately, perhaps because I am faced with my own mortality and that of my husband, I have been getting very vivid memories from my childhood.  When I was growing up, times were often tough and I remember I would come home from school and my mum would put a plate of egg and chips in front of me, and I would say, "where's yours Mum?" and my mum would say, "I had mine earlier".  You know something Chrissy, it wasn't until I was much older that I realised that my mum had gone without food on so many occasions so that I could eat..........how that memory made me cry recently.  I don't know what your beliefs are Chrissy, but I am convinced beyond any doubts whatsoever, that when the times comes, we meet those we have loved and lost.  Just lately, I have been dreaming of my mum, and I wake up feeling very peaceful...........I can also feel her spirit around me, much stronger than before.............anyway mate, enough of my waffle, sending virtual hugs, Violet, xxx

  • Hi Violet, So nice to hear from you again...and you don't waffle! That made me smile because I always apologise for waffling but you know I like it when people chat about all kinds of things because that is what Mum and I did. We must have spent many an hour chatting about this and that and nothing much but it's those very conversations I'm missing so much right now. Oh your so right when you copied that journalist's quote "....never again will I experience such unconditional love." How true. I don't have a good relationship with my only half sibling, its never been a loving sisterly relationship, she were 13 years old when I were born (I was the 3rd child) and she was sadly jealous then and is still jealous now I'm in my 40s. Funnily enough she had 3 children, I tried everything and haven't been able to yet I have never felt jealous towards her good fortune. So this unconditional love has only been from my Mum and like you saiy when you lose this it does bring you back to your childhood with memories and remembering things much differently. My Mum also went without so much to make sure we all had enough, thats why since I lived/worked with Mum I made sure she started thinking of herself and treating herself to things she would never have done without persuasion. I hold onto the strong belief I am going to see her after this life, I can't for one moment believe different or what would be the point in the loving strong bonds we form with people in this life if we never meet them again? This weekend I want to visit a garden centre and buy some flowers for all Mum's pots, I have neglected them but I want to do it now, I'm ready. That feels a step in the right direction to me. Hoping both you and your husband are keeping as well as can be. Jane xx

  • Thanks for posting this Jane. 
     

    Bottomlessness is certainly how it feels but comforting to think that it's because of how much we loved and were loved by them x