This is the horrible bit Liliana, unfortunately there is no way round it. In the general scheme of what you’ve had to deal with so far, a week is doable. 

We’ve all been through this bit and feel your anxiety. You can do this, just do go planning your funeral  during this time. 

Sorry but “do go planning my funeral”?  I think you really didn’t mean that right? 

Sorry, definitely meant dont! Got fuddled brain today. Ache in places I didn’t know I had. Trying to get the house  ready to sell so cleaning, painting etc occupies me pretty much every waking hour when I’m not at work. Ex brought the divorce stuff round today as well, what a way to spend a Sunday!

Hi Liliana,

Agh, I know that feeling! 3 weeks between my 6 monthly CT scan and gettng the results on Tuesday. All I can suggest is to keep busy and to remember that wine is cheaper than therapy ;-) 

Good luck with your tests and results! 

Dave

Thank you Davek! Yes it’s Malbec for me. I’m wishing you the best on your results. Tuesday it’s just around the corner so not much more to wait. I wish you the best and please keep me updated. Mine its Friday for goodness sake

 But I will try to keep busy 

Hugs 

Liliana

Hi there ... just want to add to the very good advice you've had ... have you ever wondered why we are put in "waiting rooms" and why we are called "patents"  

And l wrote my funeral plan .. and what songs I wanted... l wrote all my letters to loved ones ... l was convinced I was a gonner ... but here l am 11 months post mastectomy. . All plans and letters are put safely away , hopefully for a while yet ... l feel good ... had a few blips along the way .. but hay ho ... I'm still here ... and now used to those horrible waiting times ... 

So keep busy, you can do this ... and wer all here, on this rollercoaster with you ... Chrissie x

Liliana you are doing better than you give yourself credit for...youve gone through initial screening, biopsys and the diagnosis....and you haven't curled up in a ball and given up yet hun. It's ok to feel hun....feeling means you care about living and if you care about living you are strong enough for the fight. Keep going hun...the hours and days are ticking off x

Thank you Cornishpastie,  thank you for your words and I feel like I’m letting my daughters down because I was there idol always so strong always knew what to do, being out of many things in my life , fought many fights , And I don’t know how to come out of this one. I don’t know what the outcome will be. I am terrified that my cancer had probably spread I get all those thoughts in my head.  I don’t feel like going to work I stop my life did the heat they told me I had cancer I haven’t gotten to work having done anything how are you going to come out it is I don’t now. I think I need to go to get some kind of therapy because this is going to drive me crazy . 

If you really are struggling hun ask your breast care nurse about being referred to the department's psychologist. Life pauses but it will restart. And if you can't face work that's ok. You're gp or oncologist can sign you off sick. You are not letting your daughters down...you are scared. No one can tell you how you should react and dont feel that you should be any way other than how you are....its how you feel. One day at a time hun...thats all you can do. 

Oh my word Liliana, I cannot believe for two seconds you're letting your daughters down in any way, shape or form.  It's strange how we see ourselves so differently to how others see us, but all that your feeling is in your head and they're not seeing that, they'll be seeing someone getting on and fighting!

I'm going through bc now at 41 having seen my mum go through it at 39, I had no idea back then just what she was experiencing (albeit she didn't need chemo that time), it must have been such a shock, especially with teenage kids, but she seemed strong then and she still seems strong today.  She fought her second bought of cancer (in her 60s) like a trouper.  Your daughters will be looking up to you no matter what you feel like.

While I'm new to this cancer lark personally with a recent stage 3 diagnosis, I am far from new to depression, having been diagnosed bipolar after suffering a breakdown in my early 20s.  Please do not neglect this aspect of your health, you and your body have enough to cope with so please do go and speak to your GP, or your breast care nurse, and ensure you get seen by someone.

Most of all, don't beat yourself up, you're doing what you can and that's all anyone can ask of you.  If you don't feel up to work then don't work, but DO set yourself small tasks each day (interspersed with breaks, cups of tea, watching a funny show) and try and complete them so you end each day with a sense of having accomplished something.  That's very important for your mental health.  And when I say 'small tasks' I really do mean small.  I set myself alarms to go wipe around the bathroom sink, to put one load of clothing into the washing machine, to dust one shelf,... it all adds up and does make you feel a bit better.

Take it easy, you seem more experienced with this cancer stuff than me, but if I can help with depression advice just shout.

LJx