I'm so sorry 2 read about u mum I know exactly what u going through how u feeling I have been through it with my mum it's heartbreaking 2 watch u feel helpless because there nothing u can do . Only advice I can give just be there 4 her and do tell her how much u love here it will be hard u will have u days that all u do is cry don't bottle it up u do learn 2 cope and might not think it now u will find the strength and be there 4 u mum. My mother had bowel cancer 3 years she went 4 routine scan and check up last July and they found something they thought it was on her ovary she went 4 more test . I remember telling me if they find anything I will take anything but the chemo I had last time because it made her so ill and we nearly lost her then . I told her it up 2 it's ur choice my mother had phone call that doctor wanted 2 see her . My mother thought they where going tell her want treatment she was haven . When she she went the doctor was telling her they found tumour on her bowel u can have chemo but the chemo what u had last my mother still didn't have clue what was going on . Then the doctor said have anyone told u that it's inoperable there nothing can be done if u have chemo it could give extra months . My mother couldn't believe what she said she asked how long the doctor said do u really want 2 know my mother said no . We all couldn't believe it she went 2 see her speclist he told her 2 enjoy Christmas that was her last Christmas with us :( she was told last October and my mother passed away 2/8/17 had her funeral 14/8/17 sorry 4 rambling I thought it might help u 2 know that u not on u own I know sometimes it feels like it coming on her talking 2 different people who have been in same situation as uself it do help take care x 

I'm so sorry to hear about your mom. I can relate to some of the things that you were talking about. My dad was diagnosed with stage 4 prostate cancer last year, and he is only 64. It can be very difficult to cope at times because there will be times when I feel numb to it and then there are times when I just want to cry all day. I have found that people on here are very supportive and you may find some people are going to a lot of the same things. I have found the people who are going through similar things can make me feel less alone and almost comforts me to know, that others can understand. 

To be honest, i'm not sure about how well I'm coping. We have four people in our family and I think each person is handling this differently. My dad has been very calm through this whole thing, so in some ways I think it can be more difficult for the people watching their loved ones rather than the person with cancer themselves sometimes. 

I also wish this could all go away, it can be difficult to cope at times, but i always try to find atleast one postivie thing a day, or try to keep myself busy with other things. I find that when I focus too much on the future, it makes me very depressed. I'm always here to chat, hope some of this has been helpful.

Hi. I'm really sorry to hear about what you're all going through. I can empathise completely. I lost my dad in March (a month after his 60th birthday) after a grade 4 brain tumour diagnosis in October last year. The day after his surgery we were told it was likely he'd have months left, even with radical treatment. Nothing prepares you for news like that, it's just unreal and unthinkable. Complications from surgery meant he needed 24 hour care and his quality of life was not good for those 5 months but all I can say is make the most of every single second you get together, make memories, say anything that you need to say and make sure you have no regrets when it comes to the time of having to say goodbye. I can't say I'm coping, particularly, with losing my dad but taking each day and sometimes each hour or minute at a time is all you can do. Speaking to people helps, doing nice things to distract and appreciating and spending time with those loved ones left behind. It's so incredibly hard but we somehow find much more strength than we think we're capable of at times like this. Much love Amy

Hi nici

I can relate to wot you're going thru. 2 years ago my mum was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer..it was completely out of the blue..she was73 then and was very well and active. She went thru 3 months in hosp and we nearly lost her but after a whipples op and 6 months chemo she was given the all clear. Jan this year after a routine scan and not even after a year of her chemo finishing we found out it was back. We have been told it's inoperable. She is now going thru very intensive chemo just to prolonged the inevitable. We have no idea how long she has. The chemo has given her no quality of life so far after 5 sessions and we are waiting for a scan to see if it is doing any good or not. My mum is very depressed and scared and I feel helpless. I don't cry for fear of not stopping and it doesn't seem real. Everyday is exhausting emotionally and physically. Trying to help mum come to terms with it but also trying to make the most of our time together. I have no answers or advice for you..its a living nightmare. But I thought if I told you bout my story at least you know you're not alone. Best wishes to you and your family

Lisa 

Hi,

Am so sorry to hear about what you & your family are going through and can empathise totally...my mum was given months, then weeks to live this time last year. She passed away peacfully though knowing that we were all there for her. All you can do is be there, show her how much you love her and support your dad too (who will be going through more pain than he is showing). Talk to the nurses too, they really helped me understand what was going on and how to deal with it. Its so painful seeing someone you love & treasure go through this, my thoughts are with you.

ps my husband has just been diagnosed with lung cancer.....it all feels so unfair....:(

Hi,

Thank you for taking the time to reply to me & for sharing your story.

I am so, so sorry for what you all went through & for your dear mum. Xxx It is such an evil disease. If only we could do something more.

I am doing exactly what you all said, taking each day as it comes, cherishing every moment and waking up each day knowing she is still here, that, makes it a good day. I refuse to let this evil cancer ruin our time left by being sad & miserable which I of course do feel inside but I wont let it define me. Mum is doing well atm, she has had the fluid drained from her stomach which has made her much more comfortable therefore she can do more & feels so much better. So, so far she is doing OK. (Long may it last)

Thanks again & I do hope you are coping as best you can & that you have plenty of support.

All the best

Nici

x

Hi,

Thank you for taking the time to reply to me & for sharing your story.

I am so, so sorry about your dad, I know what you mean when you say how calm your dad is. My mum is calm, Of course she is very sad on her bad days. But generally she is OK. Mum said you find this inner strength which you thought you never had but I guess you do. I can relate somewhat with this, people are always telling me how strong I am, but what else can we do but be strong. You find it somewhere Xxx It is such an evil disease. If only we could do something more.

I am doing exactly what you all said, taking each day as it comes, cherishing every moment and waking up each day knowing she is still here, that, makes it a good day. I refuse to let this evil cancer ruin our time left by being sad & miserable which I of course do feel inside but I wont let it define me. Mum is doing well atm, she has had the fluid drained from her stomach which has made her much more comfortable therefore she can do more & feels so much better. So, so far she is doing OK. (Long may it last)

Thanks again & I do hope you are coping as best you can & that you have plenty of support.

All the best

Nici

x

Hi,. My Mum was diagnosed with secondary liver cancer in may.  Long story short, she was having chemotherapy but she became to weak to have it.  My beautiful mum has become a paranoid, vacant skeleton, that thinks we are all conspiring against her.  Instead of making beautiful memories, we are faced with aum whose personality has changed beyond all recognition.  My Dad too is strong but I have seen him break down a few times. It's heartbreaking and all I do is cry myself to sleep.  I'm not sure how you and I will cope without our Mums, but I just wanted you to know that, you're not facing this alone.  Big hugs going you way.  Life is so unfair at times xxx.