Hello Paulus, I'd say listen to your gut instincts. Do what you need to do to get through each day.

My sister was widowed suddenly three years ago. I was a little suprised when she started packing up her husband's clothes, hobby items and such before the funeral, but didn't say anything. She said it was something she needed to do, so everything went to the charity shop. 

It's your choice. If there's another close relative who would like to take some items, it's probably best to give them an option. Otherwise, if they are legally yours, just do what you feel is right.

regards, gamechanger

Hi all lizs clothes her daughter took i even broke up her wardrobe so no one else could put there clothes in  kept some things but just looking at her picture just brakes me up but everyone seems opposit cant bear to listen to any music like you say we all grieve in our own way but just wonderd i thank you for your kind reply we need all the help we can get when we go through things normaly i would be able to deal with things but when you loose your partner one of the many things you miss is they are your confidante .p

Hi. I can't completely relate to losing a partner, but as you have commented on many of my posts, you know that I lost my mom recently so I'm having to go through her stuff - some of which is agony.

I find that there are certain things that are harder than others - triggers? Last week I cleared out a spare room with no problems at all. But this weekend my sister and I were going around talking about what we wanted to keep and she was saying her ex husband wants an ornament of my moms (he's not too bothered about which one)...well, that was a trigger...all of her ornaments I grew up seeing and I can't just hand them over to other people!!! I actually completely lost it and had a mini breakdown.

We are now at a point where we will just be putting things that have sentimental value into boxes and worry about them later. Might this be an option for you too? It might never be easy to go through certain things, but maybe later on it might just be a tiny bit easier? 

I don't think it's something that you can force yourself to do though. The loss is still fresh. I'm two months into my loss, and only now am I slowly able to start going through things. But I find that I'm leaving the harder things for later.

Today I cleared out the kitchen. That was easy because I used to clean her kitchen all the time. I'll be donating most of her stuff to charity, which is what she'd want.

Maybe after some time has passed you will feel more ready to go through Liz's things. Perhaps when you are ready you might have someone help you with it. It can't be easy to be doing that on your own.

All the best

Hi again Paul; you know from previous discussions that I think you shoulkd not cause yourself pain by forcing yourself to do anything in this situation.   I think recently-bereaved people should just leave it if they cannot face the job; it doesn't hurt to have their loved-ones clothing in the wardrobe for a bit longer.  As with all things after bereavement you should be kind to yourself and just do what you can when you can (apart of course from the legal nececessities which do have to be faced).  I sometimes think about how we know logically that either ourselves or our partners are going to die one day but knowing this does not provide very much preparedness when it happens.  I am a great believer in doing what feels right for the individual who is bereaved.  It does of course help to have family and friends who will look out for you and help you.  I suppose if we didn't have to face life's lows we would not appreciate the highs that we have experienced but it is darn hard sometimes.

As always, Paul, my very best wishes to you.  Annie

Hi thanks i was more wondering about how people felt when seeing pic and possesions ive delt with lizs clothes wardrobe etc it just seemed like people were looking at photoes pnd things with fondness were with me it tears me to bits but thanks to everyone ive realized ime dealing with it like you say in my own way and am not odd . Regards paul ps i dont no how the heading on that post came on i just put qestion but ime gratefull to all the people that replyed that in itself helped the loneliness 

Hi thanks understand we discussed triggers for anxiaty it must be awfull having to clear your mums house thoes meltdowns are unbeleivable . Hope your managing ok .i have to say i had to go to gps to get something for the anxiaty .still going through the grief and loss but at least i can hold a cup of tea me shaking all the tea out .so thanks again to you and everyone .paul

I really hope the anxiety starts to get a bit less now for you now. Pictures are hard. I put a pic of my mom as my background on my computer, and pretty much cried every time I saw it. But now, because it's always there, I find I'm not crying as much over it. 

Hi thanks now that you mention it theres a small picture of liz on the wall in living room i couldnt look at it before it set me off ive just looked at it now and its not so bad so I'll just keep looking at it now till i get realy used to it then ilI'bring the big ones out .thank you for that its like desensitizing oneself .regards paul

Yes that's it exactly! Like desensitizing. At my moms visitation at the funeral home there was a large portrait of my mom outside the door of the room we were using. It was taken when she was quite young. I had a very hard time looking at it. I would tear up quickly. Well, we bought it and my boyfriend hung it up in our hallway. I can look at it now. 

Thank you  .regards paul