Hi, I’m not really sure what I want back from this but I guess I just want to speak to people who have lost their mum. I’m 32 I’m married and have a son who is 6 months old. I have 3 siblings and a Dad. Mum originally had cancer 8 years ago and was cured but in November 2018 we started to notice she had a bad cough and after fighting and fighting and ending up paying for a private consultation we discovered it was back and this time incurable. She was on chemo and was doing really well and the tumour got smaller and then in November 2019 they decided to give her a break and get her in a trial and it’s all been downhill from here. To cut a long story short three weeks ago they found the cancer (which is in the upper GI wrapped around her vena cava, windpipe and oesophagus (she has 5 stents) had grown towards her spine. 3 weeks later she detonated fast and is now in hospital. We’ve seen her go from being her normal self to now being so drugged up I barely recognise her. I know the end is soon (we haven’t been told when) but I just don’t know how to process it or cope. I cry one minute I feel empty the next. I look at my baby and my heart breaks that my mum will never get to see him grow up, she won’t be there for advice, she won’t be there for my next one, and worst of all he won’t even remember her. I know there is no magical wand to wave to make this go away or make me feel better but I just would like to talk to anyone who has gone through this especially when they had small children. I know so many people who have lost dads but no one who has lost a mum. I don’t expect you to make me feel better but maybe to give me hope that I will be able to be ok in some way because right now I have no idea how I am going to cope. I barely can keep it together when I’m with her, and I’m the strong one of the 4 kids. Anyway I’ll atop rambling now. Thank you xxx