Together we will beat cancer



29 Nov 2021 22:49

My husband (52) has a  bowel mass.  Is being messed around getting an 'urgent' CT scan and the pain is increasing.  He's eating me alive, with worry obviously, and won't let me help him and he's already decided on the worst prognosis. I'm a retired nurse so should have some answers, but I'm at a loss.  He's going to drive us apart if he carries on giving up like this. He's already moved to the spare room. What can I do to help him?


30 Nov 2021 12:10 in response to Whinnie50

Hi and thanks for the post

This sounds really hard for you both - it's not easy waiting for a diagnosis and your mind does tend to go towards worst case scenario, even though that may not be the actual case.

It's frustrating wanting to help and not getting anywhere, but ultimately, what your husband wants to hear is that it will all be ok and that's something you can't say. The most important thing at the moment is to try and get on top of the pain- do ring the GP again if his current painkillers aren't helping, as they may need to be changed or dose increased. If this doesn't help, he may need to go to A&E.

There are no answers you can give at the moment, as the CT scan needs to be done first to get as much information about the full picture of what's going on, before talking about what the next step may be. Perhaps it may be best to just hear him offload and not offer any solutions ,as that just isn't possible at the moment. You may find that once more is known , he will calm down and have a different outlook.

It can be easier talking things through on the phone, so please do give us a ring, if you would like to have a chat about this on Freephone 0808 800 4040 and the lines are open from 9am till 5pm Monday to Friday.

I hope you get to hear more soon

All the best



30 Nov 2021 23:02 in response to CRUK Nurse Wanda

Thank you for the reply.  Sadly he's decided to do this by himself and is making me homeless as of tomorrow.  Nothing I can do or say will convince him otherwise.  I'm just really sad about it after almost 25 years of being together.  There must be other couples who have had the same experience and my heart bleeds for them. 

No idea where I'm going to go as we have only recently moved to Cornwall.  Also have 2 dogs to take with me as I know things will get difficult regarding their care if my husband needs surgery etc. Most worrying is how the devil will he manage by himself. 


1 Dec 2021 10:07 in response to Whinnie50

Thank you for getting back to us again,

I am so very sorry to hear about your situation. It must be such a difficult time for you both and very hard for you when you feel that you are being pushed away.

I do hope that you manage to find somewhere for you and your dogs to stay whilst your husband is going through investigations. Stress about our health can cause people to react in so many different ways. Hopefully when he knows more he may be keen to have your support.

I do wish you all the best,

Take Care,



1 Dec 2021 19:51 in response to CRUK Nurse Catherine

It's dreadful.