Hello again Ceyanne,

                                   Sorry to read you are having such a hard time and you currently have Black Dog for company.Its a long path you have to travel with your treatment and the last thing you need is to sit around with him for company all day,so mentally speaking,you need to open the door and let him out for exercise,or better still join him if that is possible in these strange times,l hope you have a garden that you can use as a sanctuary,somewhere you can go to release your mind from its current turmoil,but its not always the outer surroundings that make the difference,but the inner ones within your head.l remember the times when l had so much tension l thought my head must surely explode,and l just desperately wanted it to stop,just curl up and discover the peaceful sleep l had known previously,when l received the news of my spread from the original site. but another piece of me gave me no option other than to carry on and travel to the end of my path and answer my own question as to where it would take me,and oh how l hated myself at times for having to do it, but l had no choice, so,so many Buts.

                                                                                                                                         You are on your path of treatment with options to swich in the future,so this is a positive,and still have the scan in front of you,having things in front of you is always a positive.l cannot tell you what is in your future,but l can say it is possible for you to have a future.There are those of us on this forum that have travelled this downward path of darkness,fearing that we had neither brakes or steering to guide us back to normality,as one of the many all l can say is that the thing we shared in common was the hope we could find them and the desire to do so.The thing l learned,and l mean really learned and not just paying lip service,is that real strength is not physical,but what comes from head,your personal will,it was the thing that prodded me,gave me not an inch,drove me on, we all have it, l saw that in fellow patients, you just need to find it and give it its head,however hard and trying that becomes for you.

                                                                                                          l truly wish l could take all this away from you, l really do, all l can do is tell you l hear,feel and understand what you are going through and how hard  is your struggle for a better future,and to tell you of those that have gone before and found theirs,

             stick with it

                                    David

                                                                                                                                                  l