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Paul L

PaulDawn
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Hi There, this is my first time on the chat line, just want to here from anyone in my position. My darling wife Dawn sadly passed away 19 June 2012, and it is still so very hard to understand or believe why, I am going round in circles, not wanting to go out but feeling upset if people don't ask me out (brothers and sisters), but then feel guilty when i do out, upset because things just carrying on the same way, I try to keep myself busy, walk our dog for hours, have a part time job, volunteer for our local hospice and ssafa, but the evenings a nightmare, how are you all coping.

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    Hi Paul, welcome to this forum of wonderful people, I am sorry to see the reason you have made contact. Condolences on your loss of Dawn. I don't know what type of illness took her from you. I am sure though she would be wanting you to be living life to the full not feeling guilty at going out. It is normal to feel lost after loved one has gone before us, but we have to pick ourselves up and embrace the future. Sorry if speaking out of turn but a few of us here have lost loved ones. Talking, ranting and raving can help. Best wishes. Kathy.
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    Hello Paul Im sorry to hear you have lost your wife ,as Kathy has already said a few people on this forum have lost the love of their lives I lost my hubby in Feb 2013 and still feel lost without him ,but initial sting of his passing has left me now and I spend time walking my dog meeting people who are also doggy walking chatting and spending lots of time with family and grandchildren , gardening I planted a lovely yellow rose in our garden in Tonys memory I miss him terribly but memories I tresure  and life must go on I am sure you will learn to cope without so much pain soon..Take care Sueanne ...

  • Offline in reply to KathyS
    Hi there Kathy, thank you for your reply and the welcome to this forum, plus your kind words and thoughts. Dawn was diagnosed with colon cancer but within 91 days it had passed to every organ in her body, she tried to fight it but didn't stand a chance. She never complained once throughout her battle. You are right Dawn would most definitely want me to live life to the full, but it is so hard, if I see something funny and laugh out loud, I feel ashamed for doing so, I know it will take time, a long time, but chatting with people who understand and getting feed back from people such as yourself will not judge me, for asking for help and advice. Kind regards Paul.
  • Offline in reply to sueanne
    Hi there Sueanne, thank you for you for your reply and I am truly sorry for your loss, an amazing rose, sure Tony would love it, Dawn has a garden full of roses, the yellow rose always looks so bright and seems to stand out above the others, I'm similar to yourself walking the dog, but don't chat to people too much. We have three sons, but I have fallen out with the eldest two, as the eldest couldn't be bothered to come to see his mother even when she was given only weeks to live, and the second eldest because he stated Dawn didn't want him there, hand on heart, Dawn never said anything of the kind, I told the eldest to stay away when Dawn was finally given hours to live, complicated isn't it, but I do look after the youngest sons boys, it's a big help, but still feel guilty, because I am have their pleasure and Dawns missing out. Hope I'm not putting people off, it is complicated, it's painfull but you are the people that can understand. Kind regards Paul
  • Offline in reply to PaulDawn

    Hell Paul Im sorry there are  complications with the children it dosnt make things easy for you does it I hope things get sorted out soon , you need your family around you such a big support for each other ..come and chat anytime you need, there are lovely friendly supportive people who are only to willing to help on this forum ,they have been a godsend to me through many dark days ..Take care Sueanne...

  • Offline in reply to PaulDawn
    Hi Paul, I know exactly what you mean. When visiting the kids and having the 2 grandkids cuddling me, dragging me around to show me their "treasures" I was overcome as hubby would have so much enjoyed it. I too felt guilty that I was healthy, surrounded by love and having fun and he was missing this. After giving myself a kick up the rear I realised he is still with me, he always will be, just not in the physical sense. A bit of him lives on in our son and grandkids. Son gets married in March and that will be hard as his dad so much wanted to be here for it. Once again he will be with us in our thoughts and in our hearts but I will attend it without him physically at my side. What you are going through is quite natural Paul, all part of the grieving process. It sucks big time but we need to continue one day at a time. I figure I was lucky to have all the years together that we did, some people don't have that. Hubby is no longer suffering and I have enjoy what life has to offer me. This forum has been a life saver for me Paul. The warmth I have found here is like a big blanket and I thank my forum buddies for this. Take care. Kathy
  • Offline in reply to KathyS

    GMorning Kathy = your post is so positive and wonderful - in your loss you have found love and happiness. That is so wonderful and thank you for being here. That is so wonderful x x 

  • Offline in reply to sueanne
    Hi there Sueanne, thank you once again for your swift response, the situation with the two eldest is a nightmare, but our youngest son is very caring and responsive so it helps, and you are absolutely right, it sounds as there are so many wonderful people on this forum it can only help me get through this rough time. So please forgive me if I keep going on and on about Dawn, but because you all have been through a similar experience, then your thoughts on the way ahead are welcome and will be respected. I must learn to cope, so I can make progress, and with all of your help I'm just hoping I will cope one day. Thank you, Kind regards Paul
  • Offline in reply to KathyS
    Hi there Kathy, thank you for the wonderful response, you are so absolutely right, I first need a good kick up the back side myself, Dawn is here with me, she always has been, I hear her giving me advice and she reminds me to do things, so I should be more positive instead of feeling sorry for myself. Everyone else seems more positive than I, and a lot braver come to that. Dawns pain is no longer, so I should be greatful for that, and we had 42 years together, some good, some really good but there was a few bad times, I do cherrish those good times, and ashamed of the bad, but it will always be an honour and a privilege to have been part of Dawns life. I still shed a few tears but that doesn't worry me any more. You sound such a brave and positive lady, I'm sure your sons wedding day will be the best and his dad will be there smiling down on you all. Thank you for helping to build my spirits. Kind regards Paul
  • Offline in reply to PaulDawn
    Hi Paul, I too have wobbly moments, that's all normal and all ok too, but we have to keep plodding on. Today en route to visiting the in laws for the first time on my own noticed 2 little kids walking on a main road. Seeing no adult in sight I pulled over immediately. Man driving in front of me did same. We got the littlies approx 2 yr old out of harms way and I suggested I start door knocking, fortunately first door I knocked on knew where the little tackers belonged. Their dad had lost his wife recently and came out of house realising the kids were gone as we were approaching his place. The little monkeys had managed to unlatch the security door and were for the off... It is good to know we were able to advert a potentially disastrous incident. Dad now will have to use the key lock system or keep his wooden door locked securely. The kids were so cute, twins, same age as my grand daughter. Dad looked older than me so probably has had them late in life. Will sign off for now as have to eat as have neglected to do so today, it's 11.25 pm here so must have some tukka to re fuel. Best wishes, Kathy

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