Well here's me not expecting to be in this situation at 48 with 3 children (10, 11 and 13) with a step daughter and step grandson.
My Fiance (52), soul mate, best friend love of my life for 25 years went into hospital in April with suspected pneumonia and 21 days later was in our local hospice with terminal metastatic melanoma in four locations in his body. He had a malignant melanoma and following lymph nodes removed 5 years ago and was given the all clear then and all subsequent skin checks have been clear since even now!
After spending 3 weeks in the hospice he is now home with us to spend as much quality time together as we can as a couple and a family, to build bonds and create as many special memories as we can in what time we may have remaining together.
Gutted devastated, falling apart, broken don't even touch the sides right now for me.
I'm caring for him, supporting him, the chlldren, family and myself as well as a business which we are trying to decide what to do with and have different opinions on which is hard.
I don't know if I'm on my head or my heels and I am still trying to comprehend and come to terms with all of this, it's mind blowing, everyone around me keeps saying your so strong, your doing so well - I don't see this at all. I am probably running on autopilot and adrenaline right now and I'm trying to make this as smooth a passage as I can for him and the children with putting things in place now.
All the plans we had for the years to come will now change - do things you want to do sooner than later we have been told, make the time count, do the special things you want to do, don't wait for we will see. We are doing what we can when we can between pain, tiredness, medication and hospital and doctor appointments and visits.
Some of the future plans we can bring forwards and try and do, but others that we had planned will now not happen and some of those for both of us are hard to process. Out of the window is the grow old disgracefully together ....
