Hi [@HodgkinsBodgkins]‍ 

You are going through enough yourself, why take the time to worry about her and her feelings!

As she been supportive? Has she been there for you, are you happy in the relationship?

If yes, then I can understand you not wanting to blow things up, but if your are always going to have these nagging feelings then a conversation is needed, it doesn't even have to be confrontational.

Having any form of Cancer, gives you an new insight to certain conversations, I was talking to someone recently who had just been given the remission status, he didn't know I had Cancer until I said something - I can't even tell you what I said, but it was obviously something relating to cancer treatment as he looked at me and said do you have cancer... 

So when talking about it, does she bring up things from her time as a cancer patient, get her to open up about it, saying it would help you to get through it, to see how well she has done.

I was given my little blue plastic folder with paperwork, it is not the kind of thing you throw away, it has the type of cancer you have the plan / treatment etc, plus leaflets and phone numbers to call. So you would think she has something similar. Although a year on, I haven't had the phonecalls and letters I possibly should have, but at the beginning - the first two months - yes phonecalls and letters were coming through because of results and outcomes.

I am not living your situation, or know your feelings for your partner, but as an outsider - I would want to know if someone close to me had lied about something so serious... you are not responsible for her mood / state of mind, you can not be held hostage by it, I am saying that as someone who suffers with mental health issues, and have constant communication with the team I am under.

Think about YOU and what you have to deal with right now, then look at everything else after, don't try to complicate things right now, you need all your strength for whats important..... you!

Take Care