Hello Nicky, 

So sorry to hear your husbands been diagnosed with stage 4 bowel cancer. It's all very raw and fresh for you all as a family with many questions going through your heads. Do you have much support around you from friends and family even at work? I don't have a lot of advice about how to cope I just guess you learn to from one day to the next. And when you've got children they help give you the strength you need to keep going for them. It's very natural to feel scared and uncertain about what lies ahead but all you can do is take each day as it comes. 

I'm 27, and April last year (2015) my Dad was diagnosed with stage 4 incurable bowel cancer which has spread to his lungs and liver so exactly the same as your partner. He needed an emergency operation last July on his bowel as it had obstructed and would have killed him he managed to avoid needing a stoma bag, despite them removing around 75% of his bowel along with the bowel tumour itself. But because the cancers completely covered his lungs and liver and is described as being like tiny grains of sand this is what makes him incurable. Palliative chemotherapy has been given to him which isn't to cure him but hopefully try and shrink or maintain the cancer from growing and spreading further. He's been doing very well up until recently where the cancers unfortunately grown a considerable amount in the lungs and liver within the space of 3 months. There's alternative treatments and trials out there that he will ask about if this next lot of chemotherapy he has fails. We do our best to keep him upbeat and try not to focus on him having cancer and treat as we did before his diagnosis. Yes life's changed dramatically, nothing seems the same anymore it's as if the life's been sucked out of everything...but all we can do is support one another as a family and keep going. It's very scary to think about the future because we know what will happen, the hospital made my dad clear of that. It's very hard to accept, it's unfair. I've seeked a lot of help on forums like this in the past 15 months and it has helped a lot. 

Big hugs to you and your little family.

Hi Nicky,

Sorry to hear about your partner. I've been in a similar position to him and have an idea of what you are both going through at the moment. 

I hope you find plenty of support on the forum and advice if that's what you're looking for - you may get given advice, even if you're not looking for it :-)

It's also a good place for venting your anger and frustrations. Anger is a natural response to the situation - frustration results from feeling there's so little you can do to make things any better. 

Best wishes
Dave

Hi Nicky, 

I'm really sorry to hear about your partner - life can be so unfair. I'm 20 and in March of this year my dad got diagnosed with incurable bowel cancer which had spread to his liver. It was incurable due to its positioning, so they couldn't remove it. He had a stoma bag fitted and this made him a lot more comfortable. Unfortunately 9 weeks later, in may he passed away peacefully. It was heartbreaking to watch my dad go through such a tragic, unfair disease but we made sure to keep him as comfortable as possible. You're not alone in this and although words can't make it all go away, you will hopefully find comfort in hearing other's stories. I hope you are doing okay xx