Together we will beat cancer


Partner has been diagnosed with stage 4 bladder cancer

24 Aug 2019 13:22

My partner of 25 years has recently been diagnosed with stage 4 bladder cancer and we have been told it is incurable. 10 weeks ago he was playing golf and we were having caravan holidays, now it seems like we are in a nightmare.

He is so poorly, he lost 3 stone in 8 weeks and looks emaciated. He is very fatigued so sleeps a lot. When he is awake he can be confused or agitated. The worse thing is the bladder tumour has grown out of the bladder and into his rectum giving him bowel incontinence. It is breaking my heart seeing him so weak, ill and vulnerable.

We were told he had 6 to 12 months to live, but i am so scared he will not live that long, he seems to be deteriorating every day. 

Partner has been diagnosed with stage 4 bladder cancer

24 Aug 2019 23:42 in response to Sjoh

Hi Sjoh,

I am so very sorry to hear what you are going through. I lost my grandpa to mestatic bladder cancer a couple of weeks ago (after we had the all clear in February). He battled for 3 years and on initial diagnosis was told it hadn’t spread through his bladder walls so accepted treatment, it now transpires that this was incorrect and it had begun to spread, so whilst for the past three years he had successfully beaten the bladder cancer, the rouge cells had taken on a life of their own in the background. 

It is utterly heartbreaking to see somebody you love deteriorate in this way and my heart goes out to you. My grandpa also lost a huge amount of weight and looked totally emancipated when he passed, but I can assure you that we tried everything to help him maintain weight, and keeping him comfortable was something we endeavoured to do despite the loss of weight so if you would like any information on that I would be happy to share experience. 

In the end just being with him and loving him was so precious, and he passed 5 weeks after his terminal diagnosis (they suggested he had 1-2 at the time so this was a blessing for us)

This disease is terrible, but if you need anybody to talk to I am happy to answer any questions or just listen to a vent.

Sending love and sympathy xx 

Partner has been diagnosed with stage 4 bladder cancer

25 Aug 2019 00:12 in response to Sjoh

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Partner has been diagnosed with stage 4 bladder cancer

27 Aug 2019 23:17 in response to RSL


Apologies for the delayed response to your message, I’m very sorry to hear that you are going through this. 

It is hard for anyone to say how long this could continue for, and as obvious as it sounds taking teach day a step at a time is the only way to manage. 

The main thing for myself caring for my loved one was to ensure there was no pain and he was a comfortable as possible, again seemingly obvious but is something I now hold on to. 

All the best and here if you need to talk/vent. Sending love x