Hi there, I’m so sorry to hear about your dad and I understand completely where you are coming from regarding the chemotherapy. My mum was diagnosed with secondary bone cancer in January, they told us that it is terminal and they were going to offer palliative chemo and radiotherapy. She had one dose of radiotherapy to strengthen her bones and was then offered 4 cycles of mild chemo. After 2 cycles she has decided to stop as it was making her so poorly, she couldn’t eat was constantly sick and was losing weight and also was extremely constipated. My mums thoughts were, does she’s stop the chemo and have a better quality of life, being a bit shorter, or does she have the other 2 cycles of chemo and feel poorly? It was a very hard decision but she has decided to have no more treatment as she is feeling so much better without it. We don’t even know if the chemo was helping as she’s not it’s due a scan until next week but even then I think she has decided to stop. My advice is that everyone deals with chemo differently and all chemotherapy treatments are different. It Is down to Your dad to make that decision but he won’t know what side effects he might suffer from unless he tries, he might be fine and not suffer any side effects. I always tell my mum that whatever decision she makes I will stand by her no matter what. Whatever choice he makes I’m sure it will be the right one for him, all you can do Is guide him and like I say, everyone’s deals with the treatment differently xxx I hope that has helped,

sending my thoughts, Helen x

Hi Helen,

That is such a big help thank you so much. I'm sorry to hear that your Mum is so poorly too. My Dad was already pretty adamant that he didn't want the treatment but was kind of going along with what they were telling him. We've now found out more about it and he's happy with his decision not to have it. He might have some radiotherapy on the tumor area because it's seeping from his neck and they say it might help to dry it up and stop the tumor pushing out. We have a meeting next week to go through alternatives and end of life care. I am sending you and your Mother lots of loving energy. Thank you so much for taking the time to help me XX

Hi there,

Im glad I was of some help to you in your situation, I know how hard it is watching someone you love suffer and all you can do is be supportive of their decisions. I’m happy that your dad has come to a decision and that he does decide to have the radiotherapy. I hope his appointment goes well next week and I send you lots of love to you and your dad through this difficult time. Let me know how you get on xxx Helen xxx

Hi this was an interesting post to follow my partner who was otherwise fit and healthy got diagnosed with terminal cancer three weeks ago which is such a shock and has been offered palative chemotherapy? I would like to know anyone's advice, opinions and own experiences on this.

Hi,

Im so sorry to hear of your partners diagnosis, my heart goes out to you. Speaking from past experience, we will never know if the 2 cycles of palliative chemotherapy that mum received made an impact or not. She was given a timescale of 12 months with treatment and was diagnosed terminal on 18th February this year. She finished her second cycle of chemo mid April but it was making her so poorly so she decided to stop and not continue with the full 4 cycles. Her quality of life did improve for a couple of months where we were able to take her out and enjoy the things she loved but she rapidly went downhill from the beginning of June. We sadly lost mum on 21st of July. All you can do is be supportive of your partners decision, wether it to be to have the treatment or not. Like I said in my earlier post, all treatments are different and people cope with the side effects differently. Just try and keep strong and as hard as it may become just be there with every decision made. My heart goes out to you and it’s the hardest thing ive ever had to Cope with. Last November my mum was a fit, healthy lady who walked for miles, I still can’t believe that we have lost her.

Sending you lots of love and strength xxx Helen xxx

Hi Titch,

Well since I wrote this post my Dad became very ill, very quickly (end of May). I took him to a&e and they said he had a severe lung infection and was severely malnourished (he weighed 6.5 stone!) and very dehydrated. All this was due to the type of cancer, which meant he couldn't swallow properly.

He had been due to start radiotherapy the following Tuesday. This was the Friday before and they said that due to how quickly he had deteriorated since they last saw him 2 weeks ago, he wouldn't be well enough for any treatment and they recommended they just make him comfortable and move him to a hospice within the week, where he would pass away :-( They said he had a very high level of calcium in his blood that indicates end of life and suggested he probably only has a couple of weeks left to live. It was heartbreaking to hear and we were all devastated.

He spent the next few days getting hydrated and nourished in hospital, and oh boy did he bounce back! In just a few days they changed their decision and allowed him to have the radiotherapy. I was really surprised that they let him have it to be honest because they said it could make him pretty miserable for a few weeks after (it was concentrated on his neck and would remove most of the skin from the inside of his mouth). The radiotherapy worked wonders for him. Don't get me wrong it was very uncomfortable but he saw a definite change is the size of the tumour and it dried up a lot which made him more comfortable. 

Since the treatment, my Dad was allowed to go home and is still here! He had great results since the radiotherapy and has only just the last couple of weeks started to go downhill again. He made it to his 60th birthday a couple of weeks ago and I cannot tell you how thankful I am for this special time with him. He's an absolute legend and a warrior. 

He never did get the chemotherapy though. So I am not able to help with that. But we are quite upset that he didn't get the opportunity to much earlier because we are pretty sure it would have given him longer. 

Of course, everyone is different, reacts differently and handles things differently. So it depends on the person. I think my Dad certainly had a lot of fight still left in him and it amazes me that he's still here. I think the power of the mind is the absolute key. 

I also have a friend who survived a brain tumour. He was told he only had 3 months left to live. Follow his story journey4survival.co.uk - he's such an inspiration. Feel free to ask him any questions and say Shanna mentioned him to you. If anyone can help, he can. Anything is possible. 

Sending you lots of love and healing thoughts x

HI  my husband after a routine scan for a trial drug he was on found his prostate cancer had spread to his liver and because of his BRACA2 gene had soread quickly and was terminal. Very shocked!! He is fit and well and was showing no symptoms. He started a pallative round of chemo has had one but his white blood cells were too low this week to have the second. one.  We now have to wair till next week ti see if they come back up. After 3 lots he will be scaned to see if its working. Its a tough time we are all going through. At 55 too young tk give up.