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Palliative chemo

7 Jan 2020 22:38

Hi everyone,

on the 2nd of January my father was diagnosed with stage 4 oesophageal cancer and told he only has months to live and he will be given paolliative chemo if he's strong enough, to prolong his life.

me and my fiancée are getting married in the middle of March and I know he wants to make it more than anything but we are so scared and unsure if he will be there or not. Has anyone been in a similar situation and if so, could you please share the outcome?

im currently still processing the news and feel lost and everything currently feels so unreal.

thank you.

Palliative chemo

9 Jan 2020 15:32 in response to Frankie89

Hello Frankie89

Welcome to the forum although I'm very sorry to hear about your Dad's diagnosis. It's obviously a very difficult time for you all and it's natural to feel lost and overwhelmed by everything. 
Although your upcoming wedding is obviously in the front of you mind, it can help to not look too far ahead as it can leave you feeling anxious. Hopefully your Dad will be well enough to undergo chemo and will respond to the treatment. But just try to take each day as it comes. 

I hope that some of the forum members will be along to offer their support and share their stories with you soon. 
Best wishes, 
Cancer Chat moderator


Palliative chemo

11 Jan 2020 06:32 in response to Moderator Jenn

Hi Frankie89, it is very early days for you to be trying to make such a big decision. A lot will depend on how he can handle chemo or other treatments which are offered to help him live more comfortably - my friend had stents, chemo and radio-therapy and she is just now getting to point of not being able to be at home. She's just over a year from diagnosis with stage 4, but that is really a diagnosis to say that the treatments available are to make you more comfortable, so the time will vary a lot from person to person. My mum, with a different cancer, only had 6 weeks from the important thing first is to spend time with your Dad, and not to stress yet too much about wedding plans - hard I know....

Palliative chemo

13 Jan 2020 15:53 in response to KPB

Thank you for your support and coming back to me. We have spent most of the last week or so just taking everything day by day and enjoying what little time we may have left. We have prepared what we can and on Friday we will find out he will he given chemo or not. He has weakened significantly since the diagnosis and now his voice seems to be deeper and weaker as well. I very much fear the end will be sooner rather than later but for now we will keep living in the present and react to Friday once we get the news.


kindest regards.

Palliative chemo

14 Jan 2020 00:40 in response to Frankie89

If you get an answer please let me know as I'm in the same boat. My mother was diagnosed Jan 1st with stage four gastric cancer that has spread. So far I'm not finding good responses, some saying gastric cancers one of the ones that doesn't respond well to chemo and it take as little as weeks before people are lost to it. Doctors missed this awful diagnosis many times! I want my mother to be there when I get married and I fear she won't make it till then! She's going to be under palliative chemo also and that's only if they think she's strong enough to undergo it. She's saying she wants to make the most of it but then is also worried it'll make her too sick to make the most of it. It's an awful awful situation and I'm sorry you're in the same situation I am!xx

Palliative chemo

14 Jan 2020 11:20 in response to lois1996

Hi, I'm so sorry to hear that you are in the same situation, I will keep you updated as things progress. One of the things I have found most difficult has been trying to get my dad to eat as he is not feeling great. But I know he needs to put weight on to become strong enough for the chemo. I can't force him to eat more but I really wish I could. Please try not to focus too much on the missed diagnosis as my understanding is that these kinds of cancers are extremely hard to notice until they are at a late stage. For example my dad had back pain for a long time but this is attributable to so many other conditions and it would have been difficult to pick up early. We are having our banns read early so we can do a small ceremony before the wedding if necessary, have you started this process? I have found that doing the practical things within my control has helped me a lot to cope and process the information. Please let me know if you want to talk and feel free to reach out, wishing you the best.

Palliative chemo

14 Jan 2020 13:44 in response to Frankie89

Yes, it's becoming apparent that my mothers back pain late last year was an early sign but one easily overlooked! My mum isn't doing to well with eating either, because of her stomach mass, she can only have a liquid diet, so I'm trying to encourage eating by blending whatever I can! Fruits, vegetables etc! Making meals more appealing helped my mum and could help your dad! She's needs to gain weight quickly and now is under 6stone, only a couple of months ago she was over 9! I'm looking to do that also, anything to have her there at least some part of it! Thank you for responding, I appreciate it, all the best x

Palliative chemo

14 Jan 2020 16:23 in response to lois1996

Oh that's really good what you are doing with the meals. I tried doing this with my dad but he's pretty adamant that he wants to choose what to eat whilst he can etc, which is so frustrating as he could end up making himself too weak but I can't force him to eat what I want him to sadly. It's so frustrating because I want what's best for him but need to respect his wishes. That's ok, it's good to be able to write this all down and I think it helps with processing such an awful thing. I hope your mum's weight increases, is she on the weight gain shakes? 

Palliative chemo

15 Jan 2020 18:43 in response to Frankie89

She complains a lot but she knows she has to eat something! She already sleeps a lot and I'd significantly weaker. The fibre compact drinks she has at the minute! Boxes and boxes of them! Don't seem to be doing much though. 

Palliative chemo

15 Jan 2020 22:59 in response to lois1996

lois1996, if your mum needs to gain weight then you could try making milkshakes.

Full Fat Milk

Double Cream

Bluberries and rasberries

3 times a day


blitz and serve. There is also a product called Complan that has good nutrition in it. My Husband  like it may be different with your mum xx 

Palliative chemo

17 Jan 2020 22:18 in response to lois1996

To update you, things went quite well at the palliative care unit today and he has been given a follow up with Oncology in 2 weeks time, which I think is good news. His weight has stayed the same over the past two weeks, so drinking 4 protein shakes a day has certainly helped. I'm sorry to hear about the weakness and hope things aren't too bad at the minute.

Palliative chemo

18 Jan 2020 17:22 in response to Aguera

She's not allowed fruits or too much dairy unfortunately or I'd definitely be doing that. She has some fibre nutrition drinks she has to have five a day but they don't seem to be helping much as she's weak and losing more weight x

Palliative chemo

18 Jan 2020 17:24 in response to Frankie89

We've not heard from oncology still about whether she can have chemo or not, so no news for palliative care either! Still a wait it appears. My mums on the fibre nutrition drinks 5 times a day but she's still losing weight due to only having certain foods on the liquid diet ... x