Hi my partner has cancer and on many occasions I have been asked to go out with friends and I am afraid to leave her on her own do you think I am over protective
Hello shazza18; sorry to hear about your partner. What does your partner want you to do? Would she like some time on her own or would she just like you to be able to go out sometimes. How ill is she? I have cared for a few friends and family with cancer and - certainly while they were still able to do things for themselves around the home - they wanted to be treated as a normal human being who could do things. I guess I am saying that there is no easy right or wrong answer but depends on your partner's wishes and her physical condition. A bit more detail would help? Annie
This is a difficult one to get right. I have had 2 bouts of breast cancer and, in the early days, I couldn't do anything without my hubby worrying about it. The result was that he came everywhere with me. While this might have been good for some people, it drove me up the walls.
As Annie has already said there is no right or wrong answer. We are both professional people and have been fairly independent over the years. Emotions are all over the place once a cancer diagnosis is given and, I know that although it is illogical, I would also have felt quite neglected if he just carried on going out as usual. He still goes out occasionally, as we both need a little space of our own. It has taken us the 8 years of my cancer journey to find the right compromise for both of us.
I didn't have the strength or the inclination to go out in the early days, but we do now go out together to the theatre, which is not too onerous and which we both enjoy. Extreme tiredness is still my nemesis and, I must confess, that I have dozed through quite a few shows.
You do not say what type of cancer your partner has, when she was diagnosed, what stage it is, what treatment she is having and what age she is. All of these factors will determine how she is feeling.
I hope that, between you, you can reach the right compromise.
Please keep in touch and let us know how you get on. We are always here wheever you want to talk.
Hello shazza -and Jolamine, I am so pleased that Jolamine has given you her story. If you are not sure what to do how about going out for a short while; not too long or you will worry. See how that goes. If your partner seems to have coped okay and even enjoyed a bit of space to herself (this is of course not any reflection on you but just a human need sometimes) then you can take it from there. I realise you want to be loving and protective but if she says "go out" well give it a little try. Can I echo Jolamine's words - do tell us how things go. Annie
I go to work in the day and she is getting on OK she knows I have to work, she just feels at night she is a bit scared of being on her own but maybe if I go out for a few hours then it will be a good thing
I didn't realize that your partner was scared on her own at night. This is a different story. You could still try going out for a short period, but I wouldn't leave her on her own for too long. It is at night time that the minds of the majority of cancer patients are most active and, having you with her to talk to, may make her less afraid of what is happening.
She says she will be OK on her own for a while I think her confidence has Gone to be on her own at night cus I work as a carer and only do early morning days and not evening because of her
I hope that this works out for both of you. Please keep in touch and let us know, as there will always be others in a similar situation who can benefit from your experience.
