Hi jess i lost my parner liz five months ago and i didnt think you could feel such pain .but lately ivI'noticed i have being forgetting things about her .i sat and thought about it quite a bit .and i have now realised its not that at all .when you loose a love it is all consuming every minute of the day they are in your thoughts but eventualy reality starts to kick you slowly start to do bit of things then a bit more like maybe going for a cup of tea with a friend and then you start to do a bit more so your brain is not taking all its time mourning over that person .so it appears your forgetting them but your not realy its part of recovering from grief so sounds like your doing ok and eventualy your thoughts will change to good memories .not the all pervading pain once you realize that and let go of the pain .and start to remember the love .because the pain serves no purpose but we think it does .so your starting to come out of mourning and into a better place but it seems odd and sureal .if you feel like you cant cope see if you can join a bereavment group you can see then how it works or some bereavment counciling it seemed rubbish at first but it realy helped .best wishs to you .paul

Hi Jess. I've just been reading through all your previous posts about your dear mum. I cried so much whilst reading them as you seemed to feel the exact same way I'm feeling at the moment. I lost my mum just over a week ago and I just can't come to terms with it. I feel like killing muselm every single day just so I don't feel this pain anymore. I miss her so incredibly much I can't even describe it. Our mum's are our bestest friends and I just don't know what to do now that she's gone. I'm sorry you're feeling this way currently jess. You should try and speak to people who knew her best. They will tell you stories of her you never knew and hopefully that will bring some joy to you. Do you think we could keep in touch as I really would like someone young like myself to talk to about all this that isn't in my family? I'm 22 and my mum was 60. I thought about all the things she'll miss in my life too. I just can't believe my mum doesn't exist anymore in the world. I just can't.

As soon as I saw your photo I remembered corresponding with you all those months ago.  It is such a lovely photo.  It is many years since my mum died but I can still hear her voice in my mind.  Are you not able to remember your mum talking with you?  Don't panic about this - your mum's memory will always be with you - you won't forget the essence of your mum.  I have always found it a stabilising influence when I am a bit adrift.  After her death as I got older the things she would say sort of clicked with me and they made sense as I gained more experience of life.  You will never lose her.  Nine months is really not so long a time; grief never totally disappears  but bit by bit it blends in with your day-to-day life and becomes more bearable.  And you are thankful for the time you had with her.  I understand the feeling of sadness at not being able to discuss milestones in your life with her but hey in your mind you can do this and imagine what she would say to you.  You will always feel her memory.  Annie

Hi Paul. I'm so sorry to hear about your partner Liz. Grief really is a strange journey to be on. 

Hi Annie. It's interesting actually when you said to me to imagine what she would say to me.. i just thought of myself calling out 'mum' to her and I got a reply back somehow, 'yes my poppet?'. It's really weird I'd completely forgotten she used to call me that. 

Hey, I've sent you a message x

HI again.   So pleased about what you told me - I can only imagine how that made you feel and hope that it helps you to realise the connection is not being lost as you feared.  Annie