Hi,

I am 31 & fighting kidney cancer, i was browsing through this site & came accross your message & my heart really does go out to you.

I am so sorry to hear the sad news about your mother.

Although completely different circumstances as my mother did not have cancer, My mum very suddenly passed away at the age of 45, 6 years ago now.

It knocked me for six at the time as it was very unexpected & she was so young, as I am the eldest had to arrange everything & like you felt that I had lost my best friend & indeed I did because there is nobody that will ever take her place.

I was diagnosed with cancer in February of this year, very young to have Renal cancer as apparently its usually in older people, I have three young children & I am on my own & would do anything to have my mum by my side to have seen me through this as she would have been my rock.

People probably say to you "Oh it will get easier in time" & your probably thinking that it does not feel like that at moment.

My experience is that it does get easier in time because you learn to adapt & have no choice but to move forward as that is what your mum would have wanted.

There are times when you will feel so lonely & miss her like mad but it's a funny thing, I feel that my mum is allways with me, (& i am not a greatly religious person, in fact if there is a God i'm a little annnoyed at him at present for the hand he has dealt me) but she created you so will allways be there with you, & at times you will feel that & may understand what i mean, it's hard to explain but you will do or say things in every day life & your mum will pop up in your head because it may have been something that she would have said or done.

Sorry for rambling on just really feel for you & what I have said probably wont help much because only time makes it easier to deal with & everybody deals with loss in different way's, there is no time limit or guide on how you grieve we deal with it the best way we are able to.

I rarely speak about my mum because it's too painful, this is probably first time in 6 years that i have spoken about how i feel & cope & it is to a stranger, if you have a good family try to speak to them, sometimes we are scared to talk to each other because we are afraid of upsetting one another as we are all feeling the same loss but you may find that they feel the same way as you, by not speaking about your feelings you are never releasing them, you have to let them out in order to deal with them. I have a fantastic life coach that taught me that & it is so true.

Stay strong, You will get through it I promise but one day at a time.

Tae

just wanted to say how sorry I was for your loss of your mum..... sending heartfelt sympathy to you and your family.... Miz muppet x

Hi Lizzymc

Hold on to all the good memories I know it's hard loosing someone you loved so dearly I lost my wife 3 weeks ago to this horrible illness called cancer after a two year battle and beleive me you done the right thing having her in the hospice.

It was my wife's wish to die at home and that's what happened but over the last eight months I found myself doing things for her that I never thought I would be able to do let alone handle it mentally that's where this site came in I started posting in January and the help and support I have had and still getting from this forum and it's members has been second to none the prognosis in December was days and we got eight months no matter how long you get it's still a shock.

Chin Up

i

am so sory to here about the los of your mother it so sad i lost my mother 25 years ago and was young myself you never get over it your moher was your est frend aswell but take it a day at a ttime and your mom will allways be around you think of the good times you shared and that will help get you through talk about her try not to keep it in i now it early days and it so hard but things will get a bit beer and i pray that you be ok i have cancer of long and now what you going through my daughters are woried sick and upsets me if i think i wont be with them it is a bad illnea and i truly hope things get beter for you it is good you can come on this page and talk about it your mom will allways be with you even if it is in spiret it not the end i talk to my mom and ask her to help me with this horible illnes and hope she can here me i am sure she can so try and take it one day at a time and things will get beter i will be thinging of you all my lv jackiex

I'm very very very sorry to hear about your loss. Try and keep your head up high...and don't forget its alright to cry if you need to - tears somehow mean more than words. Best Wishes.

Hi,

I am so sorry for your loss, but please belive that your mum will never leave you, it is strange but some how you think what would mum do in this or that situation.

Good luck

George

How are you getting on? I know from first hand experience how hard it is to lose your mum, I lost my mum on November 8th this year and it really does hurt. We knew we were going to lose my mum, but not this soon, she had ovarian cancer and she saw her Oncologist the week before she died and was going to be put on a new treatment, the Oncologist was optimistic and said there were lots of options. She had been feeling ill for a week when my dad took her into hospital, he took her in on Friday 6th and she died 2 days later on Sunday 8th. We couldn't believe how quick it was, she had a severe infection which made her tummy swell up, no amount of antibiotics would help her, her blood pressure was low and wouldn't rise and the same goes for her blood sugar level, we were told at 1pm on the Sunday that the next 24 hours were critical, she was dead by 4pm, her lungs filled with fluid, I can still hear her breathing and see her looking all grey, I try and block it out but its not easy. I'm getting married next year and she was supposed to be there to see me walk down the aisle, despite the cancer we thought we'd have a good few years more with her, we never ever thought she'd die so soon. We'd been making plans, plans for the coming year and we were all optimistic, even her Oncologist was absolutely shocked to hear my mum had died, no one had expected it. The 8 months before my mum died she'd been feeling and looking fantastic, as you can see in my avatar (taken in August) she was tanned and looking healthy, its hard to believe 3 months after that picture was taken that she was dead.

I understand the shock and the pain, its hard to get your head round it, its hard to understand how your mum can be gone, my mum was there for me every day of my life and I feel completely lost now, I dont know how I'm supposed to go on without her. She was 58 years old, she'll never see me get married, she'll never meet her grandchildren, there is so much that she'll never experience and its just not fair.

Life does gone on though, as I'm sure you realise, as hard as it is we have to keep on going forward and hope that one day we will be able to smile when we think of them.

liz, my mum has also just died from renal cancer, which she fought for two years.

Hi Liz - your story rings a stong chord with me in so many ways! Like you, my mum died 13 days after diagnosis and shocked us all.  She had been feeling tired but then that wasn't too uncommon.  The only sympton was difficulty in eating.  After 2 visits to the docs she finally took herself to hospital. I knew that day when I say her on the receiving ward as I bumped into my cousin who was ward sister and confiirmed my fear that they were looking for a tumour as it seemed the most likely cause of her inability to eat!.  A few tests later and CT scans and finally all confirmed - she had lung, osophsogeal (poor spelling) which had also moved the outer lining of her heart.  Pretty bad.  This was on the 6 July, 5 days after entering hospital.  Over the next few days she deteriorated, I think she gave up.  She couldn't walk, go to the toilet or do much - it was totally heartbreaking and it frustrated me that I was only allowed to be with her for two hours each day - seemed so wrong when she had so little time left!!!  They tried fitting a stent in ipswich so she could come home, but it failed as the mass was too great.  So, transported to norwich where there was a specialist team.  The operation seemed to work and we all celebrated - then a couple of hours later the call came from dad - my brother was on his way to collect me as infection was speeding round her body and she was going - time to say goodbye.

She died a day later - I was holding her hand, fighting back the tears in case she heard.

LIke your mum, she was so young, only 62.

I am also still in shock - I guess the speed doesn't allow us to prepare ourselves for it!

I am thinking of you and sending you my love and best wishes.

Liz x