A few years ago (2017) I lost my big sister to breast cancer. I was going through some family issues at the time and I was never there for her, I made excuses to why I couldn't see her. I miss her so much, she and I were the most alike in the family and if she were here today I feel like we'd have a very close relationship. 

I feel incredibly guilty for not being there for her when she needed me most and I've regretted it ever since. I feel even worse for not being able to remeber her or what she used to be like. I have no full memories of her. 

I have been diagnosed with anxiety and depression and when it flares all I want to do is go and hug her. Tell her how sorry I am and tell her how much I love her.