Hi , sorry you are going through this and very sorry for your mum too . Basically no one can know exactly how much time is left but it’s always a good idea to have difficult conversations sooner rather than later . Take your mums lead on how much she wants to discuss . The best way is just to continue to be a good listener . As regards time frame , your own instincts will tell you a lot if you’re open to it . Generally if you see monthly changes it’s months ...weekly changes .. weeks left and daily ..maybe days to weeks . Every single person is different and the dying process is different for everyone . Not everyone has a very peaceful death so try to be prepared . By prepared I mean just to embrace and accept whatever happens and to be there for your mum . Literally , to be there and present ( holding her hand , if possible ) . My mum was in a lot of pain not everyone responds to pain medication in the same way .. there was a problem with absorption and toxicity in her case .. she was very distressed and upset and many people could not cope and left the scene . I stayed held and comforted her and didn’t leave her side as she was very clear when we spoke early on , that she did not want to die alone . 

So i do think you can plan for any eventuality and hope it will be peaceful. You could talk to your mum about being there for her and just enjoying these last weeks / months . Try to stay in the now as much as possible . A nice piece of advice I read somewhere was to make a little video so that you would be able to listen to her voice . I did amd it’s been a great comfort . I didn’t tell her what it was about just took a little video of her playing with my daughter . 

If you have hospice care in your area it’s a good idea to get them involved as soon as possible . Just in my opinion I thought somehow they could do more ? If that makes sense ? I don’t even know what the more is... but death is a very personal experience hopefully to be shared with someone you love .. it’s  not pretty   , no time like we see in the movies . But , there is a beauty to it if you can embrace the experience. Try not to be afraid and just think of yourself as her coach through the process . I hope you have many long months of beautiful memories together and again I’m very sorry you are going through this 

So sorry to hear this. My mum was diagnosed with oesophageal cancer April 2016 and passed  suddenly in March 2018. She had lost a lot of weight and had a stent fitted a month prior to passing away but I think by that point she had nothing left to fight with. She had actually just started to eat solids again ( weetabix, scrambled eggs etc) when she had an upper gastrointestinal haemorrhage and passed away during the night. I don’t know if this is rare or common. All I can say is tell her you love her, tell her anything else you want to say and have no regrets if the worse happens. Sending hugs cos it’s so hard. Just know you’re not alone.

xxx

Hello

My mum was diagnosed with Stage 4 squamos cell cancel of the oesphagus back in July 2018. She had gone to the GP in the december of 2017 when she thought there was something not right and unfortunately the summer previous she had receved treatment for tonsil stones so they thought they had returned. It took an A and E trip in July whilst waiting for referals as she was unable to swallow her own saliva. 

The experience has been surreal, she has been unable to consum food or drink since July and now has a liquid feed into her bowel. At one point we were on a currative pathway hoping she would have the operation but unfortunately we discovered she had mets on the lungs. Therefore, since Novemeber we have been on palliative care and treatment. She has recieved 4 out of the 6 possible chemotherapy treatments. Mum has been incredibly brave and determined and focused, she has even continued to bake, one of her hobbies despite not being able to eat herself. We continue to live for the day and that is her mental positive attitude. Sending you positive wishes x

Hi, i am so sorry to hear this regarding your mum. 

I made a post yesterday as my father is going through similar. He was finally diagnosed in May last year, and started treatment right away, although he was told he was already terminal. He was struggling to swallow anything and was constantly being sick prior to treatment, with constant hiccups. 

His Cancer went into remission at the end of last year, and it had come back already after getting his results of his CT scan. His Dr this time has only offered him a max 9 weeks of chemo available, in hope it goes back into remission. I am wondering why he has only been offered 9 weeks this time though? If the chemo doesnt work i have heard from other sources, he must only have 12 weeks left (roughly), again is this true? im the same as you and like to prepare myself no matter how brutal it is, i want to hear it so i know what to expect. 

Hi.  My husband was diagnosed with this in September 18 after waking up one day with hiccups, followed by being unable to swallow.  The cancer has spread to his top right rib, his spine at T6 (between the shoulder blades) and they think, the pituity gland, though this is still under investigation.  Unfortunately this type of cancer is unnoticeable until it's too late.  My husband's is incurable, inoperable but treatable by palliative care.

He had a stent put in last November, and has suffered terribly with reflux since.  He has also complained about  pain around the area, and the nurses thought it could be from the stent.  However, he had a C.T. scan which showed the tumour hasn't shrunk, nor grown, but the picture of the spine shows where the cancer has spread and is quite clear that it is in the vertebrae, so they now believe it is this that is causing the pain and have prescribed morphine, liquid and tablet form.  His appetite completely disappeared at first, and he lived on cup a soups.  It did improve after the stent, but has now decreased again due to the chemo.  He has lost 4 - 5 stone in weight, and his mobility is quite limited at the moment. 

He has had 3 cycles of chemo, but is currently having a break to try and stimulate his appetite.  He really doesn't want to eat, and only does because he knows he has to.  He says everything tastes disgusting, like putting sawdust in his mouth.  Luckily he can still drink and keeps hydrated.  He refuses to try the nutritious drinks the doctors prescribe as he used to be diabetic before losing the weight, and I think psychologically he's afraid of the sugar and glucose content. I find it so frustrating that he won't try them, but I have to remind myself that it's his life and his choice.

They haven't given us a prognosis as he didn't want to know, but we have Googled it and know that it's not good.  I do sympathise with you as I know just what you are going through.  It's hard to watch someone you love fade away and not be able to do anything about it.  I know he finds it so hard and frustrating when he can't manage to do  the slightest D.I.Y. jobs that he would just take in his stride. We just take it day by day now, and try to enjoy our time together, making sure that we don't sit around thinking about it.

I hope it helps to know that others do understand your feelings.  Just remember that you need to take care of yourself too.  It's very easy to forget about your own life and needs when caring for someone.  

Hope this helps.x

Hi Sam. I am so sorry to hear about your Mum. My Mum was too diagnosed with cancer of the oesophagus which spread to her liver. She has just started chemotherapy which is knocking her about a bit, but up until now she has no symptoms of the cancer (which is why it came as such a shock) so she has been able to eat and drink as normal. When we went to see our oncologist I was hoping my mum would ask them how long they thought she had, I know its morbid but we wanted to know, however my mum never asked, she said she wasn’t interested she just wanted to live her life as normally as possible until she couldn’t. I am dreading when she gets to the stage of possibly needing a stent etc, so I can’t imagine how you feel. 

we have no choice at times like this but to be strong, as hard as it feels. 

I hope you have a lot of people around you who can support you and your mum, it’s tough. 

Sending you all my love and always here if you need a chat. Sadie x

Hi Sam,

So sorry to read about your Mum's diagnosis. I know from experience how hard this is. 

Angel27's advice is spot on. 

I feel a bit awkward posting this, as I am one of the 5% or so who survive 5 years after being diagnosed with incurable and inoperable stage 4 OC. When first diagnosed, I found it helpful psychologically to get all my affairs in order - will up to date, friends visited, bills paid, life insurance documents, birth certificate and passport located etc. I also sat down with my wife and son and made my end of life care and funeral preferences known. Most of this I did whilst waiting for my chemo to start. 

A few years before I was diagnosed my Mum died of a different type of cancer after about 5 years of treatment. So I had a good idea of what to expect and knew that any life expectancy figures were no better than educated guesses. All you can really do is hope for the best, plan for the worst, make happy memories and try to get the most out of the time you have. 

On the practical side, you can act as an advocate for your Mum and make sure she receives all the professional help and support she needs. Make sure her GP refers her to MacMillan or whoever provides home support in your area, make sure the hospital delivers care within the waiting time targets and don't let her be fobbed off with second best of anything. You shouldn't need to do any of this but many of us do need to if our care isn't to be allowed to suffer.

Best wishes

Dave

Hi Sadie, how’s things with you. Sorry it’s been a while but things have been very hectic. Mum was taken off chemo as it wasn’t working and the cancer has gone to the kidney. She’s pretty much sofa bound now. She doesn’t eat except complain and weight is falling off. I think she knows what’s coming as she’s preparing her affairs etc. You almost see them just give up and then they deteriorate! I can’t push her to be mobile etc as it frustrates her I think she can’t so I guess it’s just time now. It’s just the not knowing the signs to be ready I guess. Hope that doesn’t sounds too morbid. Hope things with you go well x

Hi Sam. Sorry to hear your mum isn’t doing too well -cancer is one awful disease!! My mums health is a bit mixed, she has put on a stone, started eating a lot again, out and about, her recent scan revealed the tumour in her Oesophagus had shrunk by over half (was 35mm now 16mm) which is amazing BUT the secondary cancer in her liver has got worse. She had ‘flecks’ of canceron her liver before whereas now she has a tumour. So she now starts a different chemo that she has every week for 3 weeks then another scan. Really up and down, so not sure how to feel. Stay strong xx