Welcome to Cancer Chat alera although I'm really sorry for the reason it brings you here and on behalf of the moderation team I just wanted to offer you our condolences and let you know we're thinking of you.

I'm glad you've joined the forum as many members here will really understand how you are feeling and what you are going through right now having lost parents, family members and friends themselves and I'm sure they will be along soon to offer their support and share their experiences with you.

In the meantime have you spoken to your dad about how you are feeling? It can be very tough to open up and share how you feel sometimes, especially at times like these, but by talking about this you can help support each other through this difficult time in your lives. It's good you contacted cruse bereavement although I'm sorry that they are not available until the end of March. Have you thought about contacting Samaritans? They are available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week if you need to talk to someone sooner. Your GP may also be able to help find other channels for you to discuss your grief as well as our cancer nurses. You can call our nurses for free on 0808 800 4040, Monday - Friday between 9a.m - 5p.m.

Post as much as you need to alera and try not to be too hard on yourself for feeling angry at others. It's a natural part of the grieving process as you'll see here.

Kind Regards, 

Steph, Cancer Chat Moderator

I'm going to be honest with you, it doesn't go away the hurt & sadness My mum died 17 months ago & I still think about her everyday & cry almost every day. If I'm honest I don't want that pain & sadness to go as I don't want to forget her. Take each day as it comes, I found it helped if once a week I did something I knew my mum would like (sounds daft but it made me feel close to her). 

Are there any support groups close to you? I found them really helpful, I bottled everything up for about 6 months & it literally overtook me & consumed me. It wasn't until I forced myself to seek help that I realised I hadn't grieved for my mum. Speak to your GP as well they might be able to put you in touch with a counsellor or some support groups. 

Hi Alera90, 

First can I say how sorry I am to hear about your mum. I can totally relate to you, my mum(47) also died of secondary breast cancer. She to was my best friend, we were both looking forward to planning my wedding as I recently got engaged in October. But unfortunately she passed before we actually got to start wedding planning. 

For me I try to shut everything out and keep busy so I don't have time to process what has happened, which I know isn't good. But I'm not ready to accept the fact that my mum is no longer here. 

I'm 23 so similar age to you, I find myself getting really jealous of people when I see them out with their mums. Because I can no longer do this, because cancer took my mum. 

It shocks me how many people have suffered or are suffering like me and my family with similar circumstances. I have however found that talking on these forums has really helped me. As I find it difficult to talk to my dad as he's not really coping very well, and doesn't like to talk about his feelings or mine. My partner I try to tell how I feel but he doesn't really understand as he still has both of his parents. Which is the same with my friends. No one really understands what It's like to lose a parent to cancer at such a young age. 

Please don't suffer in silence, if you want to talk to someone or anything like that feel free to message me. As I know exactly how it feels, my mums been dead for 3 months and I feel like I'm never going to get over it. 

Steff xx

Hi Steff, our stories are sadly so similar. It must be so heart wrenching for you to be arranging your wedding without mum I really feel for you if you need any help or opinions please feel free to reach out to me, I got married in 2015. Like you I'm trying to keep busy but sometimes I just sit on the sofa watching simple television, thinking and thinking. This was meant to be such a happy time as my husband and I are nearly at the end of the process of buying the house we've been renting with my parents so that we could all stay together. We were meant to be doing the trips to IKEA and what not excitedly making our stamp on our house right now. Life can be so cruel although I find a little comfort that I'm not alone. The Mother's Day cards are already out in force in the shops which is quite hard to stomach, like you I get quite jealous when I see others with their mums especially if their mums look so unhealthy, I'm like "why my healthy fit mum and there you are grossly overweight and smoking like a trooper!" sorry if that sounds mean but hopefully you understand where I'm coming from. My dad is trying to be so strong for me, he's very protective all the horrible words have initials rather than names for fears of upsetting me, like BC, D and F (for funeral) I'm trying to be strong for him too as I know he is broken but I can't control my emotions. Like you my partner doesn't truly understand how I'm feeling, although I know he is devastated about what's happened he is of the mentality of the show must go on and is continuing as normal and coming home from work moaning about a tough day because some tiles cracked which then causes friction because in my head I'm thinking that is not a tough day, as days go the worst, most tough days of my entire life happened last week and I'm pretty sure anyone who has seen their mum rapidly deteriorate in the space of 4 days would agree. Well, here it goes... another day, please keep in touch xx

It's frightening how many people's stories are similar. And I will bare that in mind it has been quite hard planning things without my mum. I'm dreading going wedding dress shopping as me and my mum always spoke about choosing the dress together and now she won't be able to do that with me. :( 

I also have days/nights like that, this evening has been one of those. Can't stop thinking of my mum and wondering where she is and whether she can see what we're all doing. So sorry to hear that, cancer really is a *** and loves to ruin people's life's. 

Ive also seen all the Mother's Day cards and gifts in the shops, and find it hard seeing/walking past them. And no not at all, like you I too think and have said similar things to my friends and partner. The thing that I also question and ask is why did cancer have to take my mum? Why did it choose to take her away from us all when she was still so young and had so much left to see and live for.

My dad is too trying to be strong, but I know he is suffering. He's booked a holiday abroad on his own so he can get away from the house. I feel like I'm having to hold the family together as my 2 older brothers aren't really helping and seem to just be moving on with their life, it's like they've forgotten all about my mum. 

Yes it's so frustrating I find I get annoyed with anyone that complains about having a bad day or moaning about their mums. Hope your day went ok today, feel free to message me if you're having a bad day or have had a bad day. And just need someone to listen to you, because chances are I've either been there or am feeling the same. 

Steff xx

hello alera90 

I'm sorry to hear about your mum I lost my mum in November to secondary breast cancer she was also 56 when she died although my mum managed to battle it for 4/5 years but had a few different types of cancers and had a long battle for ten years if you ever need to talk please feel free to send me a message I have also been struggling a lot since I lost her x

Hi hope it's OK to reply to you. First of all so so sorry to hear about your mum I know exactly how you feel.  56 is no age at all either. My mum was 69 she passed away end July last year after being diagnosed with neck cancer just in March. She has tumour removed in april and they couldn't get all cancer and we wee told it would come back and would be terminal but thought she d have up to or over another year or two but she died sooner than we thought just in July. It's now February and I'm feeling worse again had kind if out a brave face on for first few months but feel it's just hitting me now. It's horrible, we literally were at her bedside for 7 days and nights watching her slowly due and it was most painful experience of my life and I can't get it out my head. Mum like yours was our best friend and mum and saw her all time and spoke every day she was alwayd there for us. Life without her us awful and people keep saying remember the good times but I can't as I'm consumed with thoughts of when she was dying.  I'm angry at people who say she s in. Better place how can she be when she s not here, hear of people living to 80s or more wondering why my mum couldn't or why did she have to go do young. Iv got appt for crus on Tuesday as they say you can't get regular counselling till a few months have passed to see how you cope first. Hope you can get u OK if crus counselling I hope it will help me as I feel so down and can't imagine feeling any better. It's not been long for you 4 weeks I was still in denial St that point and in a way still am can't believe my mum has gone. I do hope you are ok

My mum passed away 7" months ago and I feel it's just happened, first few months I was on Auto pilot and feel its hitting me now. Just can't seem to get her out my head especially as me and my sisters watched her die slowly over 4 Days.  I have appt at crus on Tuesday so hoping they can help. Sorry about your loss it's awful isn't it