Hi cmat 

Don't worry everyone with dying parents think about things the same as you are you know they can be in agony and you can't do any thing about it all you can do is talk to them, remember to look after yourself as well if you're ill it won't help anyone, best wishes.

Billy 

So sorry that you are going through this. Have been through this with other relatives and now with my nan who is terminal. From a personal aspect, where possible let your mum have whatever she likes, at least you know she's enjoying it. Wishing you lots of love and strength xxx

Hi there ...

You just put down feelings, we all wish we could voice ...  so don't feel bad ... it's just we keep them thoughts in the back of our minds .. you know if your mum was well, you'd be loving the future .. the same as my sister in late stage dementure ... l want it to stop ... I don't want to see her going down hill and changing ... but I'd love my well sister back, like you and your mum ..

It's the dementure , l want gone .. it's the cancer you want gone .. but think your feeling guilty because of those thoughts, and because of that, are getting a tad irate with her ... well just put your self in that place ..  if you wanted to eat something naughty ... you'd go for it .. I'd have a whopping great piece of chocolate cake with double cream ... you could keep the dinners ... so try to live in the day with your mum .. spoil her .. hold her hand .. look through family albums .. and ask her about her childhood and life .. bet she'll surprise you and make you smile at what you never knew about her ...share tears .. and hugs ... and leave nothing unsaid ...you won't regret it ...

We only get one mum .. don't waste a second ... l lost my mum suddenly from a heart attack and had no chance to even say those things like I was so proud to be her daughter... you've got that chance I never had ... what I'd give for just one hour with mum ... 

So don't feel guilty ... your not alone ... and it's normal to feel those feelings .. but acknowledging you have them .. is o.k ... give your self permission to have them , then move on ...  chrissie xx

Mum is not enjoying any food at all, and only managing tiny morsels when she does eat.  I would say she is not eating more than 200 calories a day. She has an illiostomy bag which she has had since the first cancer was found 5 yrs ago.  This means that digestion is difficult and she cannot eat a lot of fruit and veg as it causes problems when it comes back out (through the bag). She always had a sweet tooth but even her favourite ‘chocolate’ is not wanted.

my sister in law also mentioned how concerned she is re mums eating.

mum hasn’t given up on life, and I am not going to make an issue of food but I can’t get her to understand if she tried to eat small bits of healthy stuff she may feel a bit better in herself.

It is easily one of the saddest things, watching her fade away in front of me, it is hard to see, I may be in my mid 50’s but I would still like my mum back.

i know I have to find coping strategies so we can have some quality time, my mum is old fashioned and very stoic and doesn’t want to worry people and so is generally covering up how she is really feeling, that’s a generation thing.