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None of us had any idea

9 Feb 2018 07:04

We have just discovered that my mother in law has cancer and they are talking palliative only.  She had not told any family or friends what she had due to a combination of fear and denial, and had refused further investigations some time ago for this same reason. Apart from the shock, guilt, and confusion that we are feeling right now, we have nothing in place from a practical standpoint and she is now not even 100% lucid to get her wishes across.  We just keep asking how could it have come to this?  Has anyone been through something similar or have any advice? 

I just wish she had told us so we could have understood and been there for her.

Re: None of us had any idea

9 Feb 2018 20:44 in response to Jane101

Hi there Jane ... so sorry you find yourself in this sad situation ... please don't feel guilty as there's nothing more you could have done , not knowing ... no wonder your in shock right now .. and all those other feelings that come with this cancer rollercoaster ...

The hardest thing for me was telling those l loved and seeing their reaction ... even though I was at piece with it all ... but I'm glad I did as they held my hand all along ... but l can so see why people don't do that as they can't bear to see loved ones hurting while still dealing with those feelings of what's to come .. so l can see both sides ... 

All l would say is make the most of every day, walk her last walk holding her hand ... my mum died from a heart attack, I never got the chance to say goodbye or tell her once more just how much I loved her .. you all have that chance to have those memories I never had ... and don't be afraid to admit your all scared ..

Live in the day, whatever it brings ... my sister has dementure and although she doesn't remember 5 minutes later ... we just keep telling her how much she's loved ... 

Sending you all a big virtual hug ... Chrissie x

Re: None of us had any idea

9 Feb 2018 22:50 in response to Jane101

Hello Jane 101.  I cannot add much to the good advice given by Chrissie.  I don't know the nature of your support but imagine that there are nurses who are coming to help with her care.  You can talk to the nurses here at any time if you are uncertain about anything (Freefone 0808 800 4040) and MacMillan Cancer Support (0808 808 0000) are another helpful resource.  Again you can ring them to discuss things and also when you want to talk to someone about what you yourself are going through.  You don't have to feel isolated and worried so much when you know you can reach out for information and help.  And of course you can always post here if you just want to get something out of your system!

Re: None of us had any idea

10 Feb 2018 01:22 in response to Annieliz

Thank you both for those words, I guess we are playing catch up with getting our heads round this but yes, the most important thing is that we make the most of our time with her as much as we can.  Its also good to know those numbers for support.  Thank you so much.