Hi there ...

So sorry your going through this heartbraking time...  cancer sucks ... and I know you want to help your mum, but you will just by being there ...

She's probly processing all what's happened .. think most of us are in shock for a while ... and she may just be not wanting to talk about it, because it's too painfull and she's not wanting to see you upset .. so take it one day at a time .. make the most of every day you get with her, ask about her life .. bet there's lots you don't know ... sit and watch a movie ... 

It's the little things that mean a lot .. I'm guessing she's not got much energy for going out as she must be so tiny ... at 5 st .... try not to look ahead .. just walk along side her .. let her lead the way .. then one day she may just open up to you .. you know it's o.k to say your both scared .. it's o.k to share tears ... it's part of loving someone ..  sending you a vertual hug... Chrissie xx

Thank you Chrissie. Shes only 64 years old. I'm a pretty strong person. She shouldn't feel that she needs to protect me. I look at her and I want to fix everything to make her comfortable, to make her feel better. It really does suck, she doesn't deserve this and I'm clueless at knowing how to help. If I knew how this *** of an illness developed and what symptoms each stage has I could find a solution to make each step less horrible for her. 

Thank you for your kind words. We dont have much family and I cant talk to my hubby or children about this. They all see me as the strong one but to be honest I feel each time she has a bad day, a piece of me breaks

Hi. As Chrissie said, it's best to take things one day at a time. Really great advice there. I don't have much more to offer actually. My mum passed away last year from lung cancer and COPD. She was diagnosed in February, broke her leg in March, was sent to ICU in April due to a severe COPD attack and passed away in May. One thing I will say, is that she told me over and over again that she wasn't in any pain. The doctors had her on a fentanyl patch, so she was always provided with a slow release of pain relievers. She was still very alert too, was sitting out in the hallway of the hospital ready to have a chat and always listening to her favourite news channel on her portable radio. In terms of suffering, she really only endured very difficult times for her last three weeks. 

I really hope that your mum is lucky and gets the right kind of treatment to ensure she is never suffering too much. She's lucky to have you around, looking out for her. My mum didn't want to talk about her illness either. Sometimes people just want to feel normal and try to enjoy the time they have left. Things like having a really great chat, a good laugh, uplifting stuff as much as possible can really make all the difference in the world. And if she likes food, bringing in all the goodies she likes will cheer her up too.

All the best

Serapine8

I'm sorry about your mom, I hope you are doing ok. Thank you for taking the time to chat to me and comfort me, especially while you are still grieving yourself. . We are taking a step at a time. As things get worse I'll take time off work and move in with her. It feels so lonely, my children are young adults, my son seems to find it too hard to help and I'm trying not to put too much on my daughter so she can focus on her college work.  My husband just cannot handle any of it. Today, she made ME breakfast, sometimes she can do things like theres nothing wrong and I just find it hard to know what to do for her. Thank you again for your advice

Hi, I really feel for you and found this as i was looking for some advice as my mum was diagnosed on Wednesday ......  lung cancer with secondaries in breasts and one kidney and a background of COPD/Emphysmia.  I lost my dad two years ago to prrimary prostrate cancer with secondaries in bones and eventually the liver.  Like you, i want to know what to expect.  My mum sounds so like yours ... insisted on making me mashed potato when i stayed there even though she can barely breathe ... because i don't do it properly.  And i'm nearly 50 bless her.

My mom is a little dot. She was diagnosed January. I'm sorry about your news. It's like being hit in the face with a brick isnt it? As Chrissie said to me, I'm taking each day, each moment as it comes. When she is well enough we go out for lunch, when she isnt I stay at home with her. I've got another 5 weeks off sick due to having surgery myself and I'm using that time not only to recuperate but to spend time with my mom. Time is something that we can never get back. I thought my training as a nurse would prepare me to know what to expect and what to do but it doesn't. All I can do is be there. Your mom sounds like a strong willed person, I bet she passed some of that strength on to you.

Hi there ...

I'm really proud of you ... just by following your heart ...  and the thing to really remember is you can't make it better and go away  ... it's about accepting things as they are .. and please know your not super woman ... just a woman, who's doing the best she can ...

I know as I was 63 when I had my masectomy.. 65 now ... so I know from this side, what it means to take each day as a bonus ... not to look ahead ... and like your doing now ... live in the day ... l lost my mum when I was 36 ... suddenly from a heart attack and had no chance to even say those things like I was so proud to be her daughter.... that's why I say , leave nothing unsaid ... and now I'm here .. my wonderful son is here when I need him .. he let's me lead ... supports everything I do ... and best of all , walks beside me ... so my hunny ... your doing amazing ... it's one of the hardest things you'll ever do ... but if this cancer takes me .. the last thing I'll do is stick two fingers up to cancer ... 

Sending you a vertual hug.... Chrissie

Like you said Chrissie, each day as it comes and each one a blessing. When my husband had cancer, I was only 25 years old and I was on auto pilot, looking after him, a job, our home and our 1 year old son. I had help from my niece and my mom when dad was ill. My niece has a newborn baby so I cant ask her for much help. My daughter is doing her best. It is lonely this time and it's odd because sometimes shes well and doesn't seem ill. Then there are days when she looks so ill and we are up in the night for hours with nebulisers. Chrissie, your words helped me alot. I have found it too hard to open up to anyone as I'm seen as the strong person that nothing fazes me, so this has meant alot to me. Thank you

Hi ..

And I'm here most days ... you know I'm a pretty tough cooky most times ... then there's times like when my son was being tested for cancer last year .. and I fell apart .. I lost the plot ... it was only a few people on here , that held me up, and I managed to get through it ... luckily he was o.k .. 

But don't try to always be strong for everyone , or you'll break ... so even if you let it all out on here , like I do when I feel like I'm drowning ... someone will throw you a lifeline ... so anytime you need it ,. Let it out ..  and if you ever want to chat and I miss your thread .. just send me a message ... and I'll get back to you. 

So hold on in there ...  Chrissie xx