Hi Rebecca. I'm afraid it's not typical behaviour, he sounds like someone hue just likes to get there own way and hard luck to anyone else, I'm so sorry he's your partner if I treated my Mrs that way she would have kicked me out years ago, you should have your own time to do what you want when you want he should look after the young one as well as you it's to one sided, for a partnership, you've noticed it already,, I'm afraid i can't tell you that to do but i think you already know, (either he changes his ways or else) hope you don't mind my personal apinyan(sorry its spent wrong).. Billy 

Hi rebbeca theres a lot like that but have you sqared him up on the way you feel . But may i say just let it ride for a while at least . Making big desiahions when your emotionaly exhausted is best left till you feel stronger and sometimes we can take our grief out on someone he dose come across as selfish and controlling just wait a while just concentrat on your grief and your poor dad . Till you can think straight and have a good look with your lodgical head on and not the enotional one we all have when we lose a loved one . Best wishs paul

Hi Billy

thank you for your reply 

it really helps to get another perspective, especially a male one as sometimes we just can’t see the wood from the trees! 

Im hoping things change and will ask more to have time out for myself. I guess sometimes we just have to spell it out for the other person to understand... 

thanks again 

Hi Paul 

thank you you for your advise 

I have told him exactly how i have been feeling- it’s great to get it off my chest.. let’s just see if he understands and things do change.

i think you’re right, my emotional head is leading at the moment and it’s hard to think properly and take in the reality.

i think I need to give myself some space and time and see how I’m feeling in a few months as all I really want is my mum back, everything else Doesn’t feel so  important or urgent. 

Maybe im just feeling sorry for myself 

thanks again for your kind advise 

Rebecca 

Hi i know the saying just take it one day at a time i know  it sounds a pointless saying but its true in your partners case hope you chat sinks in you may have to remind him a bit more and he will start to think about you first eh but dont make any big desiahions just now about anything you dont have to paul

Hello Rebecca36, so sorry to read all you've been through the last few years.

I'm glad you spoke with your partner, and that it helped.

Grief is a strange, individual thing. It takes us by surprise, and won't be the same for different bereavements. So it can be hard for those we love, and who love us, to know how to react. I think it's one of the most difficult life experiences to go through.

Both my parents died way before either of my husband's did.  When my mum was nearing death, my husband really didn't "get it." He'd talk about when she was well again.( We were only 27 at the time.) I kind of switched off rather than contradict him. He was so shocked when she died, he really hadn't seen it coming. 

My dad died several years later. Husband handled things differently, I did too. He read the signs more, I talked about things more. He is a wonderful. supportive guy. But he felt he needed to step back and let me deal with arrangements, packing up belongings and such, without questioning. It was the right thing for me. Maybe your man felt he shouldn't question you. 

When my husband's mum died, he didn't react how I thought he might.  He was very self contained, didn't want to talk about it. Same with his dad really. He still talks about his dad three years on. Less so his mum. I think he doesn't trust himself not to break down. 

Sorry, I'm rambling a bit here. The message I'm trying to give is, every situation is different. I was also grieving when my husband's parents died, understandably people think about him, but I loved them too.

I think maybe your partner is feeling his way, wondering how best to cope. Talking to him is a good thing. We can't read minds. (If we could, we'd be on Britain's Got Talent.)

It's been over 30 years since my mum died. We (husband and I) have learned to keep talking/communicating. Sometimes I have to write things down for him rather than talk. Everything will work out. You'll know what's right for you, when life is a bit more settled.

regards, gamechanger