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26 Jan 2023 01:23

My mum has secondary breast cancer. She got diagnosed in 2019 with stage 2 and following an operation to remove the very small affected area and some rounds of radiotherapy she was given the all clear. Come April 2022 we received the devastating news that breast cancer cells had spread to her lymph nodes in the neck and chest. She agreed to fight it with chemo for us. She has so many health complications we didn't realise how debilitating and gruelling the chemo would be. So by December she could no longer walk due to joint problems, the past few weeks she can't eat, sleep or have much quality of life. Started tablet chemo a week ago for her mouth to erupt in the most awful way full of sores and ulcers. Her body has had enough. We were told today she is dying. No more chemo, I almost hate that more than the cancer. It's 1am and I'm lost. 
excuse the long winded post but I had to get that all out.

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26 Jan 2023 07:03 in response to Bell04

Hi Bell04

I am so sorry that you find yourself in this scary world of cancer.  It is so hard watching someone you love go through this, especially when the side effects to treatment are so bad.  It is also so hard to contemplate the loss of your Mum, they always seem so invincible and we always believe that they will always be there with a hug to make us feel better.

I have been on a similar journey to yourself, my mum was diagnosed with breast cancer in 2020, no lymph nodes affected so only had operations, then melanoma in leg in 2021, more operations, again no radiotherapy or chemo required.  Then In May 2022 she started having really bad pain in her back, everyone including us thought it was fibermyalga which she has had for years, until the painkillers stopped working and the pain got alot worse.  November last year she ended up in hospital, where we found that she had secondary cancer in her bones, lungs and liver.  We were still waiting for results of a biopsy to tell whether it was secondary breast or melanoma, in order to decide if she would go ahead with treatment, when she deteriorated rapidly, she passed away on New Years Eve.  We found out a week before she died that it was breast cancer that had spread.  When I found out that she had secondary cancer, I was angry that she had never been offered chemo, but that sometimes doesnt work either.  I also lost my sister to breast cancer 13 years ago, she had the lot, operations, chemo, radiotherapy, but it still came back, and then her body just couldnt take anymore.

I hope that you have family and friends around to support you, hopefully once your mum stops the chemo tablets, her symptoms may ease a bit and she can be more comfortable.

Try to take one day at a time and spend time with your Mum, if she is anything like mine, she was more worried about myself and my Dad.  I was lucky, both my mum and dad have a very strong faith, so i was able to comfort mum with the thought that even though she was leaving us, she would be reunited with my sister.

Take care and if you need to speak to anyone, Macmillan have a very good telephone helpline.

Thinking of you

Marie

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