Hi there,

I'm so sorry you're going through this. I think I can help a little bit because of a conversation I recently had with a really good friend of mine who had throat cancer twenty years ago in her thirties. 

She told me that she didn't feel anything when she was told and even when she had radiotherapy she had no symptoms/side effects apart from feeling more tired than usual. She said that it was much worse for the people around her, like her husband and her mum. She said she was worried about them not the fact that she had cancer. But then she said it was about two years later when it all sank in and she went into a huge depression as it all caught up with her. She's ok now, she's absolutely lovely and just a great person all round. Very very giving to everyone else though and for eg she felt guilty recently when she treated herself to a reasonably expensive moisturiser. Despite the fact she can afford it and does so much for everyone else! I would say based on what she told me that you do need to appreciate that this is a huge thing. It's going to affect you somehow at some point and I would be very mindful about the fact that although you are probably numb now that at some point it will hit home. I'd keep an eye on yourself, talk to your husband about the fact that you have no feelings about this yet, keep him in the loop as it were about how you're feeling but most of all take it one day at a time. There's no set way to feel, or react to this. You can call Macmillan anytime for a chat, they are brilliant like that. They're always on the end of the phone to talk so keep that in mind. Also here is a fantastic place because we've all either been through it or are caring for someone with it so we all know how you feel. It can really help chatting here, I've found it such a comfort. The people are so lovely. We're always here for you. Bestest wishes. Xxxxxxxx

Hi I'm like you it's not really sunk in but it's been 3 years now since I was told, mine is not curable but they keep stopping it with kemo. Thats why I'm on here I try to help others. It might sink in soon (or maybe I'm just to thick, ha, ha) I. I'm on tablets & injection rest of life but I get by. Best wishes and good luck.

Billy 

Hi Jab

i didn’t have any real emotion when I was given my diagnosis, I didn’t cry or say anything. I just sat there...and felt a flush go from my head to my toes..I’m guessing adrenaline and the fight/flight response. 

Even now, 6 months after diagnosis and with treatment completed I don’t cry or get emotional really. I have 2 daughters and I wanted to show to them I was coping and doing well and I’m a huge believer in the power of positive thought. That’s not to say I don’t feel negative sometimes, because I do, and yes, I’m scared-especially now as I’m waiting for scan results. 

I think it’s worse in many ways for our loved ones to deal with this. We have to get on with it and deal with it and regain some control over things, like starting treatment and focusing on that but partners and family can’t know what it’s like. They are seeing it from a whole different perspective and it is frightening for them. 

I never said ”why me?”. I lost both of my parents to cancer and all my life have assumed that one day I too would have this disease. I try to just get on with things and not allow myself to wallow in pity because it’s unhelpful. I do consider myself an emotional person-I will cry at adverts on the tv! But I’ve found a new inner strength which makes me feel more practical and pragmatic about my cancer. Hard to explain but I completely understand what you’re saying. I have had a couple of occasions where I’ve had a few tears, but I’ve never broken down-no shame in breaking down though...it’s good to release our feelings, whatever they are.

Thank you so much for such a long and detailed reply.

I'm sorry to hear yours isn't curable. I think at the mo my biggest fear is metastatic bone cancer coz I have considerable pain in arms n legs. I know if this happens it won't be curable, I'm scared I'll fall apart at that point.

Yes I agree, my hubby and adult son's all had tears and shock. 

Funny you mentioned legs I've been having pain in my legs last week went to doctor he got me to lay down on couch asked couple of questions and said it's my cancer I was a bit shocked, but what can we say (not much) just have to keep going. All the best.

Billy 

Hi jab I'm not dead sure I think most bone cancer goes from torso & spine first, you wouldn't have it in all 4 limbs at the same time and not torso, (I don't know what it is but it is strange) anyway best of luck.

Billy 

You gave me food for thought there, your right of course, it wouldn't be likely to cause pain in my back, both arms and both legs all at once! I do feel rather silly now you have pointed that out lol. I have fibromyalgia too so maybe it's just that playing up but just goes to show how it's so easy to jump to conclusions when your frightened. Thanks. 

Morning,  

Im the same, no emotion .  Iv found it hard to tell people and find the right moment to tell them but I'v not felt anything emotional myself,  I think we become storng to support others !   I'v just had the lumpectomy and lymph node removal so still a little sore.  Its good to read other peoples experiences on here.