Hi there ..

The best advice I got was from my daughter in law... she sat us down and said no more panicking.. no more what ifs,  well cope with one thing at a time as and when it comes up... and we'll do it together ... true to her word she did ..

She came on my appointments ... with pen and pad ... wrote everything down .. coz it tends to go over our heads ... any questions you think of write them down ... remember it's only after the op they know exactly what diagnosis and treatment is .. everyone I know had different stages and treatments... 

Try to live in the day and understand she may feel very teary ... you can't make it better or go away, but just listening I found the most beneficial... there's lots of breast lasses on here .. and although you hear the sad stories in the media, there's lots of us living with and after cancer ...

So try to not do everything perfect .. it's a bumpy rollercoaster ride .. one where you get on strap in but you don't know when we get off .. so be ready for ups and downs .. but like a tunnel look at the light at the end .. and slowly you'll get there ... Chrissie x

Thanks Chriss

Got my pad and ears at the ready ... just wish I could do more!

Cheers

V x

Hi Vik100

I would echo everything Chriss has said. Sounds like you have been told an initial diagnosis, but it won't be confirmed until after surgery (for example mine went from a grade 3 to a grade 2 after surgery).   They will talk you through the proposed plan, what I would say is, it can change so don't be surprised if it does, just take every day as it comes.  I went from mastectomy, chemo, radiotherapy, reconstruction, to chemo, mastectomy with immediate reconstruction, radiotherapy.
 

My hubby has been awesome through my diagnosis and treatment. He is great at asking all the questions as my head is usually mush. And if I have any questions after the appointments he calls up my breast nurse and asks them to take the pressure of me as I can be quite emotional at times. He is my positivity, but also understands that sometimes I don't want positivity all the time I just want a hug. He keeps things going at home , we have 2 children, and just fills the gaps that I've left while I'm having treatment, he just sits and listens to my irrational rantings and what ifs. He also has one eye on the future and thinks aboit the choices I make about treatment are future focussed, so getting the best reconstruction option for me for example, as I said I can just want to get things over and done with as my heads a mess but he slows me down. 
 

It sounds like you're a great partner as you are on here trying to do the best you can already. Sending you both hugs. There's loads of us around if you have any questions. 
 

wl

Hello Woolly

Thanks for your reply (and the hugs - Ive passed one on lol). We have a session this evening to try and get our questions organised and written down. Hopefully that will give us some vague sense of control. Then off to the delights of bone scan tomorrow. I did suggest she should eget a more rounded social life as we seem to be spending most of our time with people in uniforms but hey !! ...

I hope that all is going wel for you and that things are heading all in the right direction. It sounds like you have someone at the wheel making sure things are on track :)

Vik

Hi V

Im 3 years down that road

its a very bumpy ride I thought I was quite knowledgeable about breast cancer but I wasn't 

try to keep off Dr Google is my first advise 

it's difficult when you are wanting answers 

anything you don't remember to ask the breast care nurses are really good and on hand so don't worry if you forget things you can ring them 

if surgery is involved there's loads of stuff to know 

best to get organized I'm a practical person 

I started taking Vitamin C and zinc which is a good boosts for healing 

sort out comfortably clothes oversized shirts are handy 

soft front fastening bras 

large V pillow is good for sleeping 

I used a neck pillow under the reconstructed boob which was great 

understand the physio and do it 

don't lift anything on that side even a kettle 

don't carry a hand bag on that side 

use non perfumed anti bac soap 

Before any surgery 

it's the waiting for results that really gets to us all 

I also saw my gp and got medication to calm me down and help me sleep 

it did help the nighttime's are the worst 

that why lots of these posts are late at night 

hope some of this has helped 

goid luck x

Hello JoanieB

Thank you very much for your advice. There are some good practical tips which I have already passed on. you're right there is a hunger to know everything but there is too much everything to know.  We sat down last night to construct a lits of questions for the consultation which made us feel that little bit more organised and in control. At last scan today and they results on Friday. Keep your fingers crossed for her.

Cheers

Vik

Hi Vik

you sound very supportive and positive 

my partner was a rock for me so kind and sensible 

fingers crossed all will be fine 

I lost a stone waiting for full diagnoses 

I couldn't eat 

but I have never been ill not even a cold 

take of each other 

best wishes to you both x

Hello JoanieB

I hadnt realised it was a weight loss programme too ... she should embrace that one then having tried to lose weight without success for some time lol. Jools is taking all the nutrients she can in order to ensure that she is generally protected as best she can against colds etc.

Can I ask? One thing Im not sure how to deal with is keeping her safe from infection when her immune is down. I can try and limit visitors if they are unwell but what If I pick something up. I guess we should sleep separately but any other suggestions?

... and thanks for the good wishes.

Vik x

Hi Vik 

I love you sense of humour you will be great to have around 

im not sure your partner's immune system will be low 

I'd just wait and see what happens tomorrow 

and what the treatment plan is

I wanted to be out as much as I could to feel normal 

I strapped my drain up under a big shirt and went to my grandson's 8th birthday party 

only6 days after my op 

as for visitors they can say the most stupid things mainly because they don't know what to say 

we guided by your partner about who is  coming

dont expect to much of her this is a very bumpy ride 

hope all goes well tomorrow 

Joanie x

Thanks Joanie

I hope you're well.

Scared about tomorrow. Yes about what we might hear but more immediately about whether I will ask the right questions, whether I will remember what to ask. Just finished a whole list of questions but can imagine we wont have time to ask them all. Don't know which are important for tomorrow and which can wait. Bloody hell im sounding like a jibbering wreck .... Pull yourself together boy.., deep breath ... And back in the room.

Everything crossed for tomorrow, in fact I'm finding it rather uncomfortable with my right leg over my left ear. Thanks for your good wishes... Here goes...

Vik x