Hi Jayne 1964, keep posting, that's what I intend to do, cos the more support the better. I'm a breast cancer newbie, terrified, confused, exhausted etc but know it's vital to communicate feelings - yes?

hello, 

Are you a ‘Jayne’ too or where you just saying hi to me ? 

Im so grateful you said hi and in one sentence what took me 8 . I tend to ramble when I’m stressed. 

I wish you only good things, and sorry to hear you too are as worried sick as me. It sucks. 

Sending you all good good healing vibes and love

Hi Again Jayne - good to communicate - lol my middle name is actually Jane, but I've chosen VPlum as my Monica. No all about rambling and stress, seems it goes with the whole kit and caboodle and yep! the whole thing sucks! But we gotta stay real, and keep talking yes? 

yes, and Monica is a great name

I’m going to see my surgeon tomorrow bloody dreading it. You wouldn’t believe but I was a palliative nurse for 26 years in a male cancer ward in London. I stopped nurseing after my dad passed but was so ready to go back to carework for the elderly, even had agency interviews all arranged. 

Anyways I’m trying hard to cut down on my pain killers Co-codamol 30/500 and diazepam and sleeping tablets, and in the last three weeks come off my anti depressants first time in years. I’ve gone and brought herbal sleep aids and so far so good, but tonight I’m sooooo strung out I’m treating myself to a Zopiclone & 1 co-codamol. It’ll knock me out like a horse so I won’t lay here thinking and thinking . 

Where are you now with your surgery/treatments etc 

how old are you (you you don’t want to tell me that absolutely fine) just curious. Do you have a good support around you eg partner & kids, good friends & family? It’s so important to get side tracked and caught up in other people’s lives and forget your own troubles 

anyways sleep well my friend & thanks for replying xx

Hi there ...

Just wanted to pop on and say, I know it's so so scary when your waiting for things to start ... and your probly so worried about your mum and daughter so everything considered no wonder it's taking it's toll on you ... 

I had my masectomy in july 2017 ... like your mum , l had a total right masectomy ... with no reconstruction ... but you know the op was the easiest part for me .. and a few others on here have said the same .. l dreaded looking down at the scar, but honestly it has never bothered me .. and breast cancer has come a long way ... there's lots of us breast lasses on here .. all different treatments and different stages ... and they are all supporting each other, as we know how scary it is early on ..

But you know cancer wants us to lay down and never get up... it wants us to give in ... well I cryed for 2 days solid at first, but then came out the other end ready to take it on ... so I imagined a big boxing ring .. and put a pair of pink vertual boxing gloves on and got in the ring ready to kick cancers butt .. and there's loads of us in there ... your not alone ... wer all in there fighting ... and the stronger you get, the weaker cancer feels .. so get those feelings out and join us in the ring ... 

It's not a walk in the park but it is doable... I had a grade 3 .. and thought my number was up... but here I am nearly two years later and doing o.k ...  chrissie xx

Chrissy your inspirational and made me smile which was weird as I’ve not used my smile muscles in days. I’m so happy for you and your enthusiasm is infectious. I just need to get over this 19ft wall tomorrow and know where I am. Then I’ve for 2 odd months before my gene test comes back and I need to confront my daughter . 

I want a pair or your pink gloves cos inbetweeb sobbing constantly and continually , I lost my temper in the kitchen last week and chucked a whole dinner and perfectly lovely cake in the bin cos I really wasn’t in the mood to entertain and sit being happy and pleasant when I felt like screening .

Mybsister-in-law if 43 years is the most insensitive , emotionless, selfish, small minded, judgemental blob. I just do not get what my brother sees oh her, she’s so thoughtless and ignorant abs I absolutely canst stand her gossiping vicious conversation. It was either bin the dinner or spike it with laxatives , but I decided I needed the laxatives so inbthe end and having to listen to her *** about some other prior sole I took a whole roast with all the trimmings and binned it. 

I’ve composed myself now and a bit angry I didn’t even try

the cake, it looked amazing & it was just totally foolish ..... 

 thank you thank you thank you you’ve a winner a fighter and positive . Amazing lady ️

sleep well

Jayne x

Hiya Jayne 1964 - Let us know how you are when you feel up to posting. VPlum

Hi ya ...

Well since my op, I've vowed to find something that makes me smile every day ... and every morning open my eyes, look out the window and say "yep... still here!! "  and today, you gave me that smile ... you did what we'd all like to do some days .. you can always get another cake, do another dinner ... but hay ho .. I think you should look at it on the other side .. don't think you lost a cake/ dinner ... you got out a lot of pent up feelings ...

I think it wasn't the dinner you wanted to put in the bin, it was your sister in law.... good on ya .. these last couple of years, I love being around, funny, caring wonderfull family ... but I've NO tolerance now for anyone that moans continually ... or are horrible human beings ... l turn away and don't give them a second thought .. they are a waist of space ... maybe one day you'll find the right words to tell her .. like if you can't say something nice, please don't say anything ... and say it really sweetly and turn away .. 

It can come with practice .. and if they really do care, they'll stay and change .. if they never talk again .. you've lost nothing .. something said with humour and not anger can go really far ... 

Well thank you again . .... it was well worth it ... make yourself another cake .. for you ... and that's funny about the laxative... though the thought is as funny as doing it ... well I've sent you a vertual pair of pink boxing gloves .. when your ready, get them on... I'll be waiting there in the ring for you ... well knock it's block off !!!   Always here most days if you want a chat .. think those boxing gloves will come in handy for your sister in law .. just picture you wearing them, next time you have the pleasure of her company ..

Chrissie xx

Hi VPlum

A confusing day for me , was supposed to see the surgeon today but got a call to say the Targeted MRI I had Friday needs further investigation so it was cancelled till next Week

tomorrow got a ultra sound and drainage but just got a bad feeling today.

how you doing? Where are you up to? There are way more Success blogs than not on here, sorry if I’m doom and gloom

wishibgbyou all good things xxx

Made it through another day and achieved something positive ( went to library to stock up on reading). I figure as long as there is one 'good' thing, however tiny in each day, that's a start. Oh and managed to eat  fairly decent amount of food today, first in days ( you could have thrown that Sunday dinner my way lol) Accepting how tired I get. Not very interesting/exciting, but like I said think no harm in this sight as extra support....and you're armed with Chrissies's pink boxing gloves now!