Hi there ...

So sorry your mum's having to go through this again ... and your so young to be effected by it too .. there are people on here that have had it twice and kicked cancers butt again ... my daughter in laws ex mother in law has just got through her second bout of it, and she seems to be doing well again .. and a lovely lady on here has been effected twice, and she's doing o.k .. @Jolomine  ... hopefully she may pick this up and answer you too .. 

There's always hope ... nothing is written in stone ... all cancers are different so hold on in there ... sending you all a big hug ... Chrissie

Thank you for answering so quickly. I actually thought nobody would, to be honest. But it’s good to see that we're not alone on our journey and that there are others that are dealing with the same. And it’s reassuring to see that there are so many people that have defeated cancer. 

But yeah... thanks again for answering, cause I was really nervous...

Hi again ...

Any time you want a chat, I'm on here most days .. there's so many on here as this time of year makes this cancer seem even cruler when everyone seems exited because of xmas ... and our hearts are braking ... 

But if ever you want a chat, you can always private message me, just press on my photo (she's my granddaughter emily) and you can get strait to me ... I can't take it away, but I can listen and be there ...sending you a big nanny hug ... Chrissie xx

Thank you so much, I really appreciate this. I'm glad that there's someone who's listening and knows what we're going through. 

We'll all try to enjoy Christmas time and and take one step at a time. I think that we should try to live in the moment and we shouldn’t worry too much about what's coming. It’s hard, but these thoughts and the support of this forum definitly helps. 

Best wishes, Sira ️

im new to this site looking for some ways copeing with a loved ones loss does it get any easyer

Hi Oggie,

I am so sorry to hear this and offer my sincere condolences. Can you tell us a little more about your circumstances, so that we might be able to help you get through this difficult time?

Kind regards,

Jolamine xx

Hi Sira,

I am so sorry to hear about the position your poor family are in at the moment. Cancer is a horrible disease and affects the family of our loved ones as well as the patient. This is one of the many problems with this disease. We think that we are on top of it, having had surgery and/or radiotherapy and chemotherapy. None of these treatments are easy to contend with and, even when we do get them behind us and think that we are in remission, it can rear its’ ugly head again.

I have lost my own mum and dad to Cancer and have had 2 bouts of breast cancer myself in the past 8 years. A lot depends on how early it is caught and how aggressive a type of cancer it is. Listening to an advert on TV today, they were saying that there are now over 200 different types of cancer. I see a huge difference in surgery, treatment and aftercare since my mum had it 21 years ago. My experience has been totally different from hers in so many ways and is so much better.

We often hear from people in other countries who complain about how poor their health services are in comparison to the NHS here in the UK. Fortunately, you are not in that predicament, as I would imagine that you have first class cover in Switzerland. Still, doctors and nurses are not miracle workers and sadly, cannot always fix us.

You sound like a very mature young person for your age and although you can understand the full impact of this on your mum, your sister is maybe still a little too young to appreciate the full implication of all that is happening. She may realise more with time. As your mum’s health declines, it may become more apparent to your sister. Do you have any relatives or friends to support you through all this? This is when you really need someone with whom you can openly discuss how you feel. Have you also spoken to your teacher about how ill your mum is? This might be a good idea.

Your poor mum could have done without an accident on top of all she is going through. I hope that she is recovering from this. Tiredness is part and parcel of cancer and, the closer we get to the end, the more tired we tend to become.

I am glad that you are trying to keep a positive outlook and going to try and enjoy Christmas. You don’t gain anything by dwelling on what may come to pass. Try and live for the day, or even for the hour. Enjoy what time you have left with her. Make the most of every day, build precious memories, which you will hold in your heart long after your mum is no longer with you. Spend time with your mum in her more wakeful moments, talk to her, tell her how much you love her. Talk to her and don’t leave anything unsaid. She might like to listen to music or for you to read to her.

This is a hard journey that you are all travelling, but you are doing it together. Do you have any school friends who you can discuss how you feel with? Many people of your age find that their friends cannot relate to what is happening in your life, as they have never been in your position. If you find that this is the case, there is a site for young teenagers called rip.rap.co.uk, which you might find helpful.

Is your mum in hospital or at home? How do you find you are coping with all that is happening?  Some people find it helpful to speak to a counsellor, as it is sometimes easier to talk to a stranger than to family members.

We are always here for you too Sira. You will always find someone here day or night. We are here for you whatever you need, whether that is information, advice or you just want to let off steam. We are all going through the ravages of cancer. We may all be burdened with different cancers and different stages of the disease, but we are all her for each other.

I am thinking of you and your family and praying that you all get the strength to see this through.

Kindest regards,

Jolamine xx

Hi Jolamine

First of all, thank you very much for responding. I'm very sorry about your loss and what you had to go through. I often ask myself why it had to happen to us. Everyone does, but my aunt said to me, that it happened to us because we are strong enough to go through that. This thought definitely helps a lot, although it's hard and we want to give up sometimes.

To answer a few of your questions... my mom is at home. But she sleeps pretty much all day long and barely eats. Sometimes she watches some tv, but she's in a lot of pain and feels often very sick. There are good days where she feels better and we can play some games. It should get better when she gets rid of her crutches.

I changed school last summer and had to find new friends and get used to everything. It was and still is hard because no one really knows what we're going through. I tried to talk to my friends and they try to understand it, what I really appreciate, but... they don't know how to react to this. My best friend from my old school moved to America and she was the only one who really understood. And she's the only one who knows everything. So thanks for the suggestion about the website.

To be honest we don't have really great teachers and I don't really trust them about this. In my old school, there were great teachers and I really miss them. But I try to get to know my current teachers and I'll try to tell them. I know that it'll make things easier.

School is very hard. I go to the "Gymnasium" which is the highest level in our country. At home, it's very hard to study. It wouldn't be that big of a problem if it was only regular school work, but I'm specialising on music, so I have to practise every day, but I don't want to disturb my mom. I tried to tell my music teacher, but she doesn't understand.

Well... that was a lot of complaining. It might sound worse than it actually is and I'm so grateful about all the support we get. Because every one of my family and friends gives their best and help where ever they can. And I know that it'll get better when my mom can walk properly again. She might never beat cancer, but she's fighting till the very end and we're all supporting each other.

Again, thank you so much for listening to me. It helps so much to hear from people who are dealing with the same.

Best wishes

Sira

Hi Sira ...

I'm glad you've heard from jolomine ... I wouldn't have come through my early days without her wise words .. and I just want to say you are so amazing for your age ... this is hard on us older ones , l can't imagine going through this when I was your age ... life is so unfare , you should be enjoying life and having fun .. but you will grow and what your dealing with now, you will be able to empathise when you talk to others in this situation ... later on in life ...

I hope you find a teacher you can trust soon ... we all need someone we can talk honestly too .. and you can always chat on here ... it's easier for us, as we have been through so much in life we know those feelings .. your mum must be so proud ... I have boys , no daughter but if I had one like you I'd be so proud too .. so hold on ... take every day, one day at a time ...  sending you a vertual hug ... 

Chrissie 

Hello Sira.  You might like to take a look at a website called riprap (it's a UK based website).  It is for teenagers who have a parent with cancer.  It is being run by one cancer nurse (funding was cut) so it might take a little while to get yourself registered but I think you will find the large amount of discussion on the website helpful until you get registered.    Life is so very unfair and I hope you will find hearing from others of your age in the same situation.  Annie