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New diagnosis

19 Oct 2021 00:58

Hi everhone

never been here before but my mum just called today to say she's been diagnosed with breast cancer. I had no idea she was even going for tests. I am so shocked and Devestated it feels unreal. I don't live at home anymore but just feel so horrible and guilty for not spending much time with her anymore and being such a difficult teenager to deal with. She still seems like her cheerful self but I know she is probably in shock. She doesn't want me to tell my brother yet until we see him as we have both moved out and he's just started uni. I can't imagine how she must be feeling, she's such a lovely genuine kind bubbly woman that deserves to find love and happiness. Our cat died a few months ago with cancer so she doesn't have anyone in the house but her new partner I haven't met yet. Just wondering what others did with the information of a new diagnosis of a family member? Thank you

New diagnosis

19 Oct 2021 10:47 in response to jasminea

Hi @jasminea ‍ 

I am so sorry to hear about your mum, I am a mum myself and had the same conversation with my daughter a year ago.

I am 47, she is 24 and no longer lives at home, although we still live in the same county the difficulty of moving around last year made it so we were not able to see each other for months.

11 years ago my Nan passed away after she had been diagnosed with Lung Cancer, I was devasted and the not knowing and how to help her, the questions and the worry...

But when I was diagnosed with Invasive Breast Cancer last year, it was actaully easier to deal with, as I was being told all the information, speaking to the doctors going through the plans. Passing that information onto loved ones is the hardest part of it. As you have to say that word Cancer and it just brings it home. 

My daughter was very much in denial for a while and didn't even want to discuss it, I said that she could tell her close friends so she had smeone to talk too, but it was not to go up on social media or for her to tell any other family member. It was only when one of her friends asked her a question about my surgery that my daughter suddenly realised, oh **** this is happening I need to talk to my Mum and find out what is going on... So from a Mum's perspective, I know that this is a scary prospect, for your Mum as well as for you, but you will probably have more questions whirring around your head, more worries about your Mum and what is going to happen.

There is no right or wrong way to deal with this information and it will happen as it happens, you will cry, you will worry and you will also carry on with your life, you will feel guilty if you laugh and worry that your Mum will not have you there if she needs you. Your emotions will be all over the show.

Has she been given all the information yet about grade, stage, type etc? have you both spoken about it?

Whilst your in this part living it, the waiting and the turmoil is not fun, but you will look back on it as being a blur. 

I hope this has helped a little bit. x

New diagnosis

19 Oct 2021 11:28 in response to Kay-D

Wow thank you for your helpful and supportive words really means a lot. I'm really sorry to hear about your situation too, I don't know what stage it is but she's going back to hospital on November the 1st to talk about everything, hopefully there's a lot that  can be done

thank you x

New diagnosis

19 Oct 2021 11:37 in response to jasminea

Hi,

 

November must seem like a really long way away right now... the waiting around is painstakingly slow....

I'm back in the waiting stage on a friends results, I don't miss this part of it at all!

This part is also the worse part, as you start looking at google for what it could be, what could they do, and without the results you are just shooting in the dark. This is when your mind is jumping to conclusions and worrying more. It does get easier once you know all the results, as they can give you all the choices and treatments and possible outcomes and statistics. The Breast Care Team are really good, they take the time to answer questions, you don't feel like your being rushed out the door and your Mum will be well looked after and have good support.

Hopefully it will become easier for you once the results are in and you will be able to talk with your Mum about what the next steps are... x

New diagnosis

19 Oct 2021 22:14 in response to Kay-D

Thank you very much it is very helpful to hear these informative and supportive words x