Tricky one. He is of course entitled to privacy. On the other hand, you and other family members want to know what's going on, for your own sanity, and because you want to help him.

Yes, young men are not the best when it comes to going to the doctor promptly, so I understand your fear that he may have had this for years. But that is in the past now. He must now concentrate on getting better. He may be embarrassed at not having dealt with this. Maybe you can give the impression that you don't care that he didn't seek treatment (even though you do care) but only want to concentrate on the future? Then he may open up to you, and give you more information about his cancer.

He is very young, so try not to be too pessimistic about his chances. There are lots of cancers out there that are routinely curable. So try to hold that thought. Best wishes. Harry

Thanks for the reply, Harry. I will try to show a different attitude to him, though it's unbelievably hard to think anything apart from negative thoughts. My mind is just in peices. Constantly wondering how long he will be with us, wondering if anything could have been done sooner. The idea that his shyness and lack of openness are the big factors of his potential death is absolutely shattering. He's young and determined, but clearly to a fault. I can imagine him burying his head and niavley hoping it would go away. Yet here we are. 

I would guess it's virtually unheard of that someone who has let cancer spread throughout their body makes any kind of positive recovery. Even living 1-5 more years is something, but good grief he is just too young to be going through this alone..

It's not as grim as you think! You are thinking that because it has spread, it must be terminal. But for many cancers that is simply not true. I'm not a medic, but know that many lymphomas, for example, are eminently curable even after they have spread.  Not that we we know if it is a lymphoma or not, I just give that as an example. I'm not a medic remember and we do not have much to go on. But at the moment you have lots of hope. And it is genuine hope, not simply clutching at straws.

Hi Danny,

Harry2 has already given you some good advice, I'll try not to repeat it.

First of all, try not to let your fear of cancer lead you to jump to the worst conclusions. Easier said than done, I know. He is still undergoing tests and until he gets the results of these none of you (including your brother) will know exactly what you are dealing with. IF he does have cancer, tests will be done to estimate whether it is likely to be fast or slow growing - or somewhere in between. Scans will be needed to check exactly where the cancer started and whether it has spread. Once all this information is available, a care plan will be discussed with your brother and his options discussed. Having even late stage cancer isn't necessarily a death sentence - though the earlier it is caught the better the chance of living a normal life. 

If you can't talk face to face, try messaging him. A lot of people (including me) find it much easier to ask and answer awkward questions online. The first thing you might want to ask him is whether a doctor has actually told him that he has cancer. It may be that he has been told that his lumps might be cancerous and that he is jumping to conclusions. On the other hand, he may have been given bad news and is afraid of sharing it with his family and spoiling their Christmas. 

Good luck

Dave