Can only just bring myself to update you on Jonathans fight against bowel cancer and metastes to his whole liver. He was told just before Christmas that the chemo had damaged his liver to the extent that it could no longer process bile, This meant that he had to have a totally fat free diet, no easy thing. He knew that was not sustainable as it causes problems of its own and as he became more jaundiced that in itself brings more problems. He was on steroids and was determined to do so much before he was unable to, he spent hours with his tractor getting it up to spec, sorted out his financial affairs, made arrangement for his funeral, he had a maasive collection of tools, machines etc which he sold, and tried to do as much to lessen the burden on his wife. We had a party for him a week ago on Sunday all his friends came and a good time was had by all. We could see he was tiring and the yellow was quite bright. He didnt get up on Wednesday , my husband, both his sisters and I spent the day and evening at his house with him and Faye (his wife). He was able to talk a little but squeezed our hands. I stayed till late that night. We all returned on Thursday and he could still squeeze our hands later in the afternoon we knew that his time with us was coming to an end and he slipped away peacefully with Faye and I holding his hands and his daddy and sisters with him. He had been so terrified of being in pain, in hospital and being alone and none of that happened. I am still numb and cannot believe I shall never see him again, empty chair at the table. He fought so hard since he was diagnosed eight and a half months ago and this wicked disease could not be beaten. I take joy in the stories that I read on this forum of the people who have beaten the Big C and such sadness in those stories of loss and heartbreak that I now join. We all see our children as a gift and so precious to us, as a parent you never expect to outlive your child and this is such a hard thing to face, My husband and daughters are so heartbroken and we have to face the funeral on Friday and do what he did fill every minute not to waste precious time, as none of us know how much time we have. Sons and mums special special bond, nothing will ever be the same again.