Gosh. No. But I have terminal cancer myself (lung and liver mets). I was told in 2011 that the "median" for my disease as it was then was 6 months. It was horrible! So hard to get my head round. The grief. The fear. The frustration and distraction. The terror!
But, nobody knows what was round the corner do they? I am still pretty fit and well now, crikey 8 years later. But it has been a journey. Maybe your partner needs your gentle support and that's all.
Everyone's cancer is different I think. My daughter once said to me "mum your cancer is yours and only you can fight it".... and I have. And so far so good.
But you must take care of yourself my friend. Look for and demand some councelling for yourself in this. You are important too, and you would be less help to your partner if you don't take care of your own health.
Thankyou so much for your reply to me!!!!! He started cancer in the tummy then had it removed but sadly 6 weeks later was told it had spread to his lungs, throut & 5 brain tumers all round his head. The biggest shock & fright to us both.
I'm being strongh & keep a smile for him but to see him get do I'll & weaken is breaking my heart. 1 minuet he is nice then 5 minuets later Totaly a diffrent person & natrualy I'm the punch bag for him to take it out on.
I just feel lost & want so do much the best for him. San i fell in lov with him 9 years ago & wish there was anouther 9 for him to live.
I means so much to finely speak to anouther person that undestands condition & also what can be a life changes.
Oh you poor thing! It must be very hard for you. It sounds like you definitely need to demand some help for yourself to cope with everything that's going on.
I have found that talking to people who are going through it too can be extremely comforting. Do let people help. I have allowed my kids to help too as they find some comfort in knowing they have been useful to me. I used my local hospice's help for a few years. Hospices are actually amazing places who I think are pretty mis understood. Our local one does lots of stuff, not just for in patients but for people who are LIVING with cancer. I fully intend to carry on living with mine for as long as I can.
Cancer has made me look at life differently now. I am stronger, I wake up each morning and think to to myself "hey, it's not got me yet, and it's not going to get me today"... and then I just get on with enjoying my day. That is my way of coping. I used to find it terribly distressing because my thoughts kept going to my "deathday" scenario....and now, nearly 8 years on, I see what a waste of precious time that was. (Yes, bad things have happened, but nothing I could have predicted, so ruminating did not help me). So, I am just getting on and living each day, hoping to "surf on the wave of new treatments" as long as I can.
Do get help with your feelings my friend. There are so many ways of tackling things and the professionals know them and can teach you.
How is your partner doing now? I am not in the same postiion, but my Dad was diagnosed with advnaced prostate cancer three years ago. I wanted to send you some positive vibes, and I'm hoping that he is as comfortable as possible. Is he able to take treatments to help keep the cancer at bay?
[@mare] I think it's wonderful that you are going strong, and I wish that you have continued success and are here for many years to come. My dad always says, "Don't bury me before I'm dead." whenever we get upset, and he always wants us to try to keep positive. I think about the memeories I would like to create with my Dad, and I wouldn't want him to be worrying too much about us since he has enough things to worry about! I know being positive all the time isn't possible, but I'm sure it helps everyone when we can be there for each other, and then have a cry in private sometimes.
