Hello Lizj13

I'm so sorry to hear that you lost your partner in June. Grief is a natural process but it can be devastating and there is no set way in which your journey with grief will move forwards. It's understandable that you're dealing with some of the emotions and thoughts that you've described and I think many people experience issues with sleep during this time. 

You've not mentioned in your post if you've had any bereavement counselling support since he passed away. I know that many of our members here have sought support and found it to be really helpful. Having a safe space to talk about things and explore how you're feeling can be very beneficial and if this is something you've not already considered then I'd encourage you to think about it. There's an organisation called Cruse that are able to offer bereavement support, or alternatively chat to your GP who will be able to talk through any local organisations that can help. 

Although sometimes it may feel like a lifetime since he passed away, it;'s still early days for you in your journey with grief. Be kind to yourself Liz and take things a day at a time. As the festive period approaches you may find that things become raw again and this is natural. Talk to your children about how you're coping. I'm sure they will want to be there to support you. 

You're welcome to keep posting here on the forum if it helps to have somewhere to offload how you're feeling or to chat with others who understand. 

Thinking of you at this difficult time. 

Jenn
Cancer Chat moderator 

Hello not had coucilling i'm not sure where or how i would start, i've just been going in on myself i don't talk much, my children don't want to celebrate christmas as it will be six months on 25 december since he died which i understand. miss him alot our relationship been told is like a story, we've known each other from being teenagers, he was my drinking buddy, and we finally decided to make a go of it in our thirties, that's when he became my soul mate, we all ways got on we would laugh and joke and compare our music from bad  to worse, his funeral w as on 22nd july, and was a lovely funeral.

Oh lizj13 what a beautiful love story. It must be so hard to feel you have lost your soulmate but those beautiful and sometimes even funny memories you have with him will be there forever and it's something that can never be taken away from you. I can understand why your children don't feel like celebrating Christmas this year but I hope you won't be alone that day. I would echo what my colleague Jenn said, that bereavement counselling can be very helpful especially if you don't talk much and tend to bottle things up. Perhaps you could ask your GP for more information on bereavement counselling that is available in your area and about support organisations you could contact. 

The NHS page on grief after bereavement and loss has useful tips too including on helping you get some better quality sleep. This is something you could also talk to your GP about as they may have some good suggestions to help you sleep better. Sleep deprivation is awful and is bound to make you feel worse. 

As Jenn said, keep posting on the forum if it helps you to offload by talking to others who know exactly how you feel having been in a similar place themselves. 

Best wishes, 

Lucie

Hi

i know exactly what you are going through my husband passed away with advanced lung cancer too he was just 54yrs old. It was such a  shock as he was fit and healthy. It happened so quickly with in 3 months of diagnosis.  He also died holding my hand not knowing it was his final breath.  I thought this would never leave me but it does start to fade .  It's been over 2 yrs now he sadly passed away 9/9/19 and we also had 2 children one 15 and other 18 .  We had been together 26yrs . You can private message me if you like . Big hugs 

Victoria 

Thankyou for the kind messages , not looking forward to the new year without my partner, unfortunately it's the way it goes, the world still turns and we're left with the memories. Didn't celebrate Christmas this year , had nice quiet one and treated it as a normal day, tried going for Councilling that didn't go very well when I phoned number doctor gave me, lady on other end asked where I lived said was in wrong district, gave me number for some where else , so rung that explained my doctor had advised ,same thing again wrong district, this carried on for further 5 times eventually gave up.

Hang in there Lizj13. 

Maybe try ringing the Nurse Helpline on here - 0800 800 4040. 

I was trying for several hours to get through to the right number to get a Clinical Nurse Specialist before I started oral chemo, and eventually got to the right person. It was such a relief as I had two replies, and they were amazing, with such a good telephone manner. I know now that when I need them, they are there for me. 

You may also find that keeping a diary, even if just a few words each day, or maybe writing the things you remember about your husband, again just a few words each day, will be something to look back on. 

It is hard for you to keep remembering what happened as you try to go to sleep each day. That memory will be difficult. However, you were there for your husband in his time of deepest need, cuddling him, and telling him he was loved. That is special. 

I hope the sun may be shining where you are, as it is here. Take care, and do something good for yourself each day. XX

Mariart.