My Nan passed away this morning and since I’ve had periods of numbness and excessive crying and longing for her. I’m in a lot of disbelief but not denial. This is my first proper experience of grief and I have work early tomorrow morning which I know I’ll have no energy for. Just don’t know what to do right now. Any tips for getting to sleep? Or is there no point trying to force it ? Miss her so much already, watched her struggling for breath and gargling only last night in a comatose state after a longish battle (8 months)with lung cancer that had spread all over the body.
I'm so sorry to read that your nan passed away this morning and would like to offer you my sincerest and heartfelt sympathy.
Coping with grief is really tough, even more when it's your first proper experience, but our members have been in this position themselves and I'm sure they will be along soon to offer their support and advice on how you may be able to get some sleep. I think not forcing it may be a good idea as if you do you may be putting pressure on yourself to do something you're not ready to do. Hopefully sleep will come naturally and I hope you are able to get some rest despite these sad circumstances.
It may also be a good idea to call your work in the morning to let them know about your nan passing away as most work places tend to offer compassionate leave to those who have experienced a loss in the family. I hope this is the case for you and you are able to have some time to come to terms with what has happened.
I know it's a lot to take in right now but our thoughts are with you and our members will do all they can to help you through this difficult time.
Steph, Cancer Chat Moderator
I'm so sorry to hear your nan has passed away. I know how hard it is experiencing terrible grief for the first time.
My mom passed away three weeks ago. I got the phone call at 11:46 p.m. I had been expecting the call all day. I bawled my eyes out for a long time. I went to bed crying. I was crying so hard I was shaking. But then suddenly this weird calm came over me. It was almost as if my mother was there with me, wanting me to feel better and suddenly I stopped crying. Somehow the calm lasted and I fell asleep.
You will somehow get through this. It's amazing how it happens, but somehow it does. I don't know how it will be for you, but I hope that you find some calm and will be able to sleep.
I’m very sorry to hear that I’m feeling deep pain too. But that is very comforting to know they clearly stick around and comfort you when you need it most which is lovely. Ended up falling asleep purely from the exhaustion of it all. Unfortunately my work is very unforgiving with these situations and I didn’t get so much as a “I’m sorry”. But alas, life moves on. I hope I’ll get used to this feeling of not having my lovely Nan anymore
I'm so sorry that no one was sympathetic to your loss at work. That's horrible. I hope you have people outside of work that know how you are feeling and are there to help. It's so much worse to go through this alone.
Sending warm thoughts your way.
I know this is very late, but I am sorry for the loss of your grandma.. I found this post after loosing my grandma. She lost her battle to cancer April 2019 she suffered a lot and was getting weaker and weaker each day.. she was my best friend and it was the hardest thing to absorb her death.. it's been months and I just constantly think about her, everything reminds me of her and the pain comes in waves. This too is my first time greiving the loss of someone very close. I hope things have gotten easier for you.. is there anything you did to relieve you?
I am so sorry to hear that. Like you my own Nan was like a best friend to me and unfortunately for weeks after I couldnt sleep properly. Exactly as you said, you’re reminded constantly of them and so you get hit with the grief at random times. Sadly even a year on I still cry some nights thinking about her. I’m not sure it ever gets much less surreal- as much as I wish I could tell you it did.
This said- I promise things get easier. Of course you would probably trade mostly anything to have them back, but instead we just have to let time pass. Time really is a healer and so whereas I used to not be able to think of my own Nan without crying, I can now for a length of time without getting emotional. I think you just go through a period of acceptance in the end (however don’t worry about rushing that process as it had taken me a good year to get here).
So again I’m so sorry, I wish there was something I could say or do to take the pain away. But you just have to let time heal. It’s a case of adjusting to life without them- though I personally believe if your relationship was as good as yours was, they’re still with you in spirit. In regard to that, you actually made me cry with this but in a good way. Not sure if you believe in the spiritual stuff, but seeing this email in my inbox first thing was so comforting to me. Of all days to have seen this, you commented the night before my operation day (today). It’s nothing major, but this post being over a year old and you finding it at this particular time is like she’s reminding me she’s there. So thank you.
wishing you all the very best,
Thank you so much for responding.
It is very hard, and just like you, this is my first time loosing someone very close, so it's very difficult. I sometimes remember one small thing and it stays in mind all day making me cry for hours on end. At times I try to remember lovely things and smile but then I just wish I had more time with her. You are right, it is surreal..
I hope things get better for the both of us.
Lots of love
You’re so welcome Gad, and if you ever want a chat I am here for you anytime. Exactly remember all the lovely things and treasure them. We can work through this horrid process called grief together.
Sending the same love your way,
Thank you so much for your support.
I feel like at times it gets harder, for the past week or so I feel like I am just crumbling, I've been flicking through Photos of my nan before she was diagnosed when she was her usual self the way I was used to her.. I try not to spend too much time with the photos but I feel like I am bottling it in, I've been crying and feeling my heart break into peices and I just don't want to live in a world where my nan is no longer there! I can't stop cruing it hurts so much, we lived together for all my life, she was my everything, and was always there for me.. she was the strongest and bravest woman I have ever know.. but sadly she couldn't beat cancer
It’s so important to let yourself grieve. Let yourself cry, let the memories flow. I’m a firm believer if you were that close in life they never really leave you. Breathe deeply and look after yourself, it will take a while. X
Hi paige I've just seen your comment about your nan, I no it was last yr but I've just recently lost my nan too I was really close to her she's been like my mum, I stayed with her for nights until she passed, she didn't have cancer though she had pneumonia but how you described how she died gasping for breath and gargling b4 she died is exactly how my nan died, its really affected me, she was on morphine and madasalan but now and again she kept comin to and she'd look at me and and she tried to talk, it was hard to always tell what she said but I heard her at one point say 'can't breathe' the suffering was horrendous to watch and made me feel psychically ill. I love and miss her so much but I just feel tremendous guilt since she passed incase I didn't do enough for her and the way she suffered broke my heart, it's hard being here without her she was my guardian angel and now I feel I have no one without her