Hi there ...

Oh my, what a sad situation ... as someone with cancer, l would never want to know "how long" because firstly they can only tell you an average .. so could be sooner or much later ... I can't imagine how id feel knowing and others knowing .. it's like waiting to die ... from our point of view ... for me, ive taken every day and made as many memories as possible... filled each day with love and lots of laughter .. 

I can only do that because l live in the day .. every day is a bonus weather it's a week , month , year or more ... your mum probly wants everyone to act "normal" for as long as possible .. so try not to think ahead .. fill every chance you get with memories to last a lifetime .. doesn't have to be big things .. it's the little things like looking through photo albums with her .. ask about her childhood/ teenage years ... how she felt the first time she saw and held you .. her life really .. 

Take her for a Costa and cake .. or any other coffee shop ... a ride in the country ... a pub meal .. or just sit watching an old movie together .. and stop asking how long she's got .. and enjoy her now .. and she just may open up to you down the road ..

Be kind to your self .. this is a really hard sad journey your both on .. but letting your mum do and say it her way is giving her back some control .. coz trust me, cancer wants to take all control from us .. just hold her hand and walk by her side ...  later, you'll be glad you did ...  Chrissie xx

Hi Chrissiex

Thankyou so much for your words and you are right, It's the not knowing and me not wanting to lose her that makes it so hard for me . Since she has been diagnosed i have made sure we go out and spend a day out together She is in manchester and ive moved to liverpool .i dont drive so iam not there as much as i would like ,But i do go once a week unless she is not having a great day and wants to chill out.

Ive battled with moving back to manchester but she wouldnt want that and its propably the reason why iam asking the question how long does she have. One of my best friends died last week of cancer aged 46 ,He lives in spain as i did for 20 years and we were very close ,I was going out next month to see him and now hes gone .I thought he was fine ,Well as fine as he could be ,But it took him and nobody was prepared .

Iam not really good with words so i dont want to come across being rude or selfish ,Mu mum and me have always been very close , She has been there for me when i have had no one and pulled me through, She has always protected her boys and worked her socks off, Very self sufficent never relying on nobody which makes it hard for me as she doesnt want to weigh me down with her problems. 

Thankyou for replying to me and i have found strength from your words and they have made me realise what i really need to do and what is important. I wish you all the love peace and harmony in the world xx

nicholasx

Hi again Nicolas... ( my grandsons name) 

Like I said be kind to your self .. just do what you can when you can ... I've got lads too .. and if mine rote like you , I'd be well chuffed to know how much they cared ...

We love our boys (men now) unconditionally... and she will try to protect you with her last breath .. coz that's what we do ... I'm here most days if ever you want a chat ... so hold on in there ... you can do this .. l took my lad up to watch Liverpool many moons ago ... he was 14 then ... a wonderfull lot they were .. everyone helped us .. and we're so kind ... mind the Liverpool language was hard to understand ...  

Well Nick... be proud of your caring heart ... I'm sure your mum must be very proud of you too ...

Chrissie x

I would spend every day like it’s the last. The DRs aren’t keen on giving prognosis these days I don’t think, incase they are wrong. My mum was told she was terminal on monday 19th Aug and she died Aug 27th. We were always told it was incurable from her initial diagnosed on May 2nd but she deteriorated very quickly. She had lung cancer that had spread everywhere, attacking the liver the most x

Hi Chrissiexx

Thankyou for your words of support , You have made me realise what needs to be done and the importance of being strong for not just my mums sake but for me also . 2 years ago i lost my dad to motornuron diseace he also was a strong man and great dad .It reduced him to nothing but a shell .To see him in the last few months was unbearable, not being to move ,talk or just respond in the way i knew he would have wanted to . Although seperated from my mum since i was 20 and iam now 45 ,He always loved and supported her and i know no matter what they always had a special bond. I was living in spain at the time and when i moved back i lived in york , i always feel i fell way short of being there for him,if iam honest i couldnt bare seeing this way . My dad was a artist,sign writter .loved to sing and it took it all away from him. When he passed away i was happy in resepct he wasnt suffering anymore i didnt regognise him in the last few weeks, he was in so much pain,

So when my mum and dad seperated ,she took the reigns and looked after me and my other 2 brothers, we were a family of market traders she worked everyday wind ,rain or shine, i worked with her anytime i was free, we were close and i was what people call mummys boy. when the markets started dying out she trained to be a foster parent ,she started from scratch and worked hardand succeded, after taking a few children in she finally took 2 boys in who are now my brothers also richard and aaron. She has brought them up so good and most of all respectfull it really shows and you can see the respect back from them. I just think it's so unfair that somebody like my mum has to suffer this after doing no wrong all her life,i know she is not the only one and it makes me wonder if there is a god . I thank you for your kind words and its the fist time ive ever opened up to anybody x love nickx

Hi thankyou for your honest words .

it sounds like it came out of the blue and that you were all unaware that she had cancer ? 

was there a big change in her before she passed away in the end. Did you notice changes in her from may to august .

Regards Nick

My mum hadn’t kept very well for a long number of years (around 12 or so years) and was completely neglected by her GP practice. She went to them in Jan this year with a sore leg and was treated terribly. The pain got worse in time. She was told to self refer herself to physio. Enough was enough, so my partner and I drove her to hospital and we were told she had a tumour on her lower back causing nerve damage hence the sore leg. It spread everywhere so quickly. Lungs, brain, adrenal glands, lymph nodes, bone and then liver. She did so well, she was only 53 but it just took over her. In August She could barely walk, got all her words mixed up and was really forgetful. She became quite..angry and it was hurtful. Mum was alright on the Monday, she was tired but we enjoyed our time together. The Saturday she wasn’t good, she took a very strange turn and kept repeating a weird word over and over, she had a cathater, she needed 24:7 care in the hospice and she had some steam mask thing to clear her lungs as she couldn’t breath well. When I went along early on the Tuesday she was basically just asleep, her last words to me were shut up, not really sure if I should laugh or cry at that. 

Hi this seems to happen a lot now with gps . I wouldnd worry about your mum telling you to shut up i bet you have had that before it effects your brain and people can act very odd if you have doupts if you ring hospital they will give you the number of the patiant liaison called pals they will give you some unbiast advice on how to complain this blasie attitude seems more a more prevelant .but just dont make any big desisions now till you get ima bit more level headed this rotten disease can take you in weeks its its not like they portray it on tv my partner was told it was somthing not cancer by the time they messed about it was so far gone she had to types it gets in your blood stream and is taken round your body the mask your mum would have had was a nebuliser its a chemical opens your airways but looks like steam ive asthma and had them from tine to time ime so sorry about your poor mum and my sympathys to you and your family.paul

Hello Nicholas I am going through the same as you, my mum was diagnosed in August. It has knocked us all for six. Mum has opted out of chemo, the doctor said it would only give her an extra few months and she could be ill. Its the not been able to do anything to stop this nightmare, I am grieving and she has not gone yet. I am dreading what’s to come. Like your mum my mum has been the rock of the family and life without her seems unbearable to imagine. This all started with a cough that would not clear up in July. We were told it was bronchitis. Middle of August told she has Lung,liver and Pancreatic cancer. The oncologist’s just say enjoy your time together. My mum is calm and seems to have accepted it, wish I could. Reading your post we are in the same boat. Keep strong for your mum. 

Thankyou for your advice Chrissie given to Nicholas, I will take it on board as my mum is going through the same as Nicholas’s mum. But wants everything to carry on as normal, its hard but thats what we are doing best we can. I wish you all the best and thanks again for your words. Pam x