Hi there ...

I'm so so sorry your going through this heartbraking time ... in the end you have to give control back to your mum  ..  if she wanted to fight, no mater what ... then that's her right ... if she wants to stop and live a better quality of life, be it a tad shorter ... you will have to go by her wishes ... 

Chemo is hard even for fit young ones ... is it really worth a little time to see your mum go through that ...my family are behind me every step of my cancer journey ... they support me , no mater what ... and l want to make the most of every day I'm given ... be it long or short ... there is a time to hold on... and a time to let go  ...

You still have a time to make some amazing memories with her ... get the old photo album out .. ask her about her childhood ... when she met your dad ... when she held you for the first time ... is there something she still wants to do ... someone to visit ... it's not about big things .. it's about the little things .. even just sitting together watching a film ... 

If you can grant her this last wish, you can both move on holding each other's hand ... to gether in what ever time you have ... l know it's not easy ... we all want to hold on to our mum's as long as we can ... but that supporting her , will mean more then you'll ever know ... make every day count ... 

Sending you a vertual hug. ..Chrissie 

Thank you so much for your reply. You are right, I would much prefer spending the last few months with my mum not having the effects of chemo that she has now. When she told me she didn’t want any more treatment it came as quite a shock but also a release really cos I know she will be able to enjoy her last few months happier, doing the things she wants to do. I am going to cherish every moment everyday with her, as heartbreaking as it is. I am going to take her to the places she loves and try my best to make her as comfortable and as happy as I can. I know it’s going to be hard but I need to find the strength from somewhere. In November she was walking miles in Scarborough and now we are facing this, it’s crept up on us so quickly with no warning. It’s destroying me but I’m finding the strength from somewhere, I don’t know where from but it’s what you do isn’t it. She’s my best friend and we are so close, I really don’t know what I’m going to do without her xxx

Hi there ...

I'm so pleased you are going to have some time ... now I know how bitter sweet that seems , but my wonderfull mum and best buddy too, and so so amazing nanny to my boys, went suddenly with a heart attack and had no chance to even say those things like I was so proud to have had her for my mum...

I talked to her on the phone one Monday morning .. and last thing She said was ... see ya tomorrow love ...  at 5.20 that afternoon she was gone ... now that was 30 years ago, this year ... but you know I loved her so much, she just lived in my heart ... me and my son's took her with us every step of the way ..and they still put photos of her with them on their face book, even now ...yes in time you learn to live a different life .., but we never stop missing then ...

We tell all the grand kids about the funny things she'd do ... they feel like they know her ... and the day l got diagnosed with breast cancer,  l started finding feathers everywhere even in my bra, untill ... the day the Dr told me it was contained and low risk of spread. .. they stopped .... 

So just remember, your half of your mum ... she must have taught you well, like my mum did us ... and next time you give her a little kiss on the forhead, give her a tiny one from me ... you can do this ...  leave nothing unsaid ... and you know it's o.k to share tears, and admit your both scared .., it's when we hold it all in, it does no one any good ...  it's about all things shared together ...

Always here if you wanna chat ... Chrissie

Bless you Chrissie, you’ve been through a lot yourself and are still so strong, you are amazing and I thank you from the bottom of my heart how much your kind words mean to me. I lost my nana (my mums mum) 5 years ago and I don’t think she’s ever left our side. It’s bizarre isnt it with the feathers... I really do believe in that too, when my mum was terminally diagnosed, white feathers kept appearing everywhere, in the most weird places. I believe that’s as a sign from my nana telling us to be strong and we can get through this. My mum is being so brave and I think she’s more worried about me and the grandkids than she is of her own health. She’s always loved the Beatles and doted on,them whilst in her teens, so I’m hoping to take her to a tribute, but have to make sure it coincides with her good week of chemo cos she always has 2 really bad weeks and then a good week. I really do appreciate your comments. It’s good to be able to talk to others that are going through, or have had similar experiences. This is the first message I have posted on here and I was a little worried, but your messages have made me feel a lot better so I thank you for that xxx