Hi Heartbreaking, I'm so sorry to hear of your Mom's breast cancer being so serious. Your Mom is really young, too young to be stricken with this terrible disease, but its' bad news at any age for sure. I would guess that you are fairly young as well and I'm sure it doesn't seem fair to you that you might lose your Mom at this stage of your life. Do you have family members who can support you and your Mom through this difficult time? This is not something that anyone should have to go through alone. You can ask her treatment team for assistance in finding support as well. Perhaps they can put you in touch with getting some help through them.

People on this forum are very caring and supportive and I'm sure someone who can relate to your specific situation will respond soon. In the meanitime, come back on here and let us know how you and your Mom are getting along.

Sending you hugs.

Lorraine

Hi Heartbreaking,

I joined the forum for the exact same reason - to talk to someone about my Mum's bowel cancer. I can imagine how you feel because I feel it myself - scared, worried, devastated, but trying to stay strong for your Mum.

Writing everything down, getting your feelings out really helps.

My husband is supportive, but doesn't know what to say either. When his Mum was diagnosed with leukemia last year, I was the same. I mean, what can you say to something like that? Words are hard, but action isn't. Let people help so you can spend time with your Mum and make some more memories. 

Take care, and all my best wishes to you and your Mum,

Nyxx

Hi there!

I lost my mum to lung cancer in October last year. It's such a terrible illness. It sounds as though your mum is a fighter, with the treatment she's received! I know just how devastating it is to see your mum battle, the sickness and weightloss is a tough sight to endure. When my mum was dying, I too refused to allow my mum to see me distressed, I made time for my emotions to flow when I was alone. Looking back I think that was wrong. My mum was open about how worried she was for me and my brother (I'm 26 and he's 30), the things she'd miss out on. But we kinda brushed that aside and said "Oh, don't worry about us, we'll be fine, let's focus on you". And, although that is the main focus during such a time, I think it would've also helped mum if we could've just talked about it. To tell her that we were scared, that we would miss her terribly, and that she would always be a part of our lives after her death. At the time it didn't seem appropriate, because accepting the inevitable wasn't an option for me. But, it is inevitable, and looking back, I think maybe talkng about it openly, may have helped with some sort of acceptance, other than the fear she endured till the morning she passed. I'm not too articulate, I apologise, but I think what I'm trying to say is, it's okay to show your mum that you're scared, that you're sad. Deep down she knows it, and while you hide it, she knows that you're struggling. It may seem selfish to consider your own feelings during your mum's time in need, but at the end of the day, you're enduring the pain of cancer too. 

On the other hand, I am here if you would like to talk some more. I'm not really great at getting my point across sometimes, but I hope you get the jist of my post, it's something to think about at least :)

I wish you, and your family a whole lot of strength, and I hope your mum continues to fight like a brave! Best wishes to you all!

Mark

Hi again!

My Mum's case was different. For a start she was older (66) and already had some lung problems (COPD). By the time we convinced my mum to actually go to see a doctor, she was pretty ill. Very skinny, breathless constantly, and unsteady on her feet. She was sooooo bloody stubborn. Scared mainly though as she knew it was bad. By the time it was diagnosed we were told the cancer was very advanced, and the tumour was very big. They were never really honest with us, they never gave mum an outlook, or prognosis or whatever it is they call it. They decided to give her radiotherapy because they thought Chemo was too risky, given her already ill health, any infections picked up would've been disastrous. My mum was diagnosed in May 2014 (roughly) and was scheduled to start radiotherapy in June, but unfortunately she was admitted to hospital with pneumonia. This delayed things by a month. She finally started radiotherapy in July, finishing a two week course on my Birthday actually at the end of July. I took mum home and cared for her until September, which is when we had the followup appointment with the oncologist, because the radiotherapy takes some time to work and produce results. At the appointment, the oncologist was pretty happy, the tumour had shrunk and he had already booked mum in for a second course of treatment, to start in late December/early January. Although we took the news positively, I lived with mum 24/7 and observed the fact that she slowly declined. The tumour had shrunk but her health was not improving at all. I carried on caring for mum until the morning of the 5th October. Unfortunately, the tumour on my mum's lung was putting pressure on an atery, which ruptured. It was completely unforseeable, there was nothing anybody could've done to prevent, or even help after it happened. They assure me my mum woul've died in total peace and comfort, as she would've been unconcious within seconds.

I'm not sure how common that is. I'm sure each individual has a different experience. All I can say is, now that you've been told that your mum sadly only has some time left, you just need to make sure she is as comfortable as possible. Make sure you're in contact with the district nurses, the palliative care team, make sure your mum has everything she could need to ensure she is as pain free and comfortable as possible. Also, keep your family close by. It's not going to be easy. You're going to need help too.

I wish I could offer some more good advice, but, we're here for one reason, and that's because I've gone through and you're going through the same thing. The loss of a mother is the most devastating thing to happen, especially when we're (and they're) so young. There's only so much expectance and preparation one can do, and we'll each deal with it in our own way.

I know that may not be really helpful, but just know that there are people around you that care, utilise them, and talk, shout, cry, do whatever, don't hold anything back. Talk to your mum, if you can. 

And again, I am also here if you need a stranger to rant to. As you said earlier we can both relate to one another's situations. So, if you feel it'll help to ask me more, even if I don't have specific answers, I am here. Even if it's just a rant. 

Best wishes to you all! x

Hello Heartbreaking, I am so sorry that your Mum is suffering from this evil disease, and understand how terrible it is for you too. I wanted to reply because I have read through your thread and I had to tell you that I agree with Mark's comments about being open with your Mum.  I lost my Mum and Dad to cancer in 2013, it was very quick in both cases and like most of us I soldiered on pretending to be brave in front of them, of course not really wanting to admit what was happening.  With hindsight I wished I cried in front of them, told them how much I loved them and how I was afraid to lose them rather than puting on such a brave face; like Mark I think it would have given me more acceptance when the inevitable happened. There are so many practical things that are involved in looking after a terminally ill loved one, but don't get so caught up in them that you miss your chance to talk openly.  I know we are all different in how we deal with things, this is just my opinion having gone through losing my loved ones.  I hope you and your Mum have lots more precious time together and I hope you will continue to use this site; there are some great people on here which is why I still log on now.  Take care. Hope23

Hi heartbreaking time. I know how you feel. My mother was diagnosed with stage 3 lung cancer last June. She also has COPD. The doctors could not operate because she was not strong enough. Since early January she has had to rely on oxygen 24/7. She is losing weight and has terrible pain in her back and groin. We lost my dad to colon cancer years ago. I can't imagine my life without my mother. She won't let my sister or brother and I attend her cancer appointments. She had 8 weeks of radiation back in July and August. The tumour did not shrink but did not grow. After a recent Cat Scan, the tumour has grown and I'm so worried it's in her bones due to the pain she is feeling. I'm so scared for her. It's hard to focus on anything else. I hope they can give her a low dose of chemo to give her some more time with us. My mother has been a rock to my siblings and I. We were all diagnosed with Limb-girdle muscular dystrophy in our early teens. We are trying to be strong for her but it's difficult to hide our feelings. No one has given my mom a time frame. She sees her specialist tomorrow.

hie Heartbreaking , i know what you are going through, i went through something close to what you are feeling but a friend introduced me to phd ministries they helped me a lot.I dont know the website address but google phd ministries they will be more than happy to help you. Dont hold back anything.Dont foget to tell the next person what happens.

Dore14

Hello, I'm so sorry to read your post. It must be a very heartbreaking time for you and I really hope your mum finds some relief. It is always good to talk and what brought me here was the fact that I found out my dad has terminal lung cancer today.He's been having lotza tests the past few weeks and I fear what this journey is going to bring. I need someone to talk to too, I am here if you need me. All the best to you and your mum,take care.